


Yuletidings

by MashiarasDream



Series: Yours!verse [9]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Alpha!Balthazar, Alpha!Jess, Alpha!Sam, Baby Mary, Emotional Sex, M/M, Omega!Gabriel, Some angst, a sprinkle of smut, a/b/o dynamics, alpha!cas, but mostly just Christmas fluff, established relationships - Freeform, mentions of alternate genitals (female Alphas), mentions of mpreg, omega!dean, time stamp 8 for Yours
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-15
Updated: 2015-12-15
Packaged: 2018-05-06 21:59:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5432300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MashiarasDream/pseuds/MashiarasDream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the first time, Christmas is back to being a big deal in the Novak household, family, friends and pack included.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Yuletidings

**Author's Note:**

> You wanted me to ‘give them a break’ and write Christmas fluff, so I’m dumping 20+K words of Christmas fluff on y’all. With a tiny sprinkle of plot. Tiny. Literally.
> 
> Thanks to WatchingOne, Nihonlove, keepcalmanddonotblink and ‘my lovely and caring ace dom!beta’ (her words) ViviTargaryen for betaing.  
> Send some love to ButterflyLaidE, she’s having surgery right before Christmas and can use all our positive thoughts.  
> gguy, the kitchen scene is for you. It’s not exactly what you wanted, but everyone got flustered anyway. Including my beta-readers. LOL.
> 
> Merry Christmas, my friends! May it be full of hot chocolate and presents and happiness (or at the very least may you not run out of happy fanfiction)!

Dean is feeling off. It’s not too bad but it’s pretty cold and while his torso is toasty in his winter jacket, his fingers are cold and stiff and he hides his hands deeper in his pockets. He doesn’t need to be here, strictly speaking at least, but he holds his place next to an animatedly talking Gabriel. It’s the last day of school before the holidays. The yard in front of the school is milling with parents and children of all genders and designations and ages.

“Thank you so much!”

A woman that he doesn’t know shakes his hand. Judging by her smell, she’s an Omega, and her eyes are bright and teary. “It’s only been a few months but my son is so much happier here. At his old school he was – but now he tells me all about his adventures and his new friends. It’s a miracle. Thank you so much for making this happen.”

Dean smiles at her, widely. Her happiness is catching. “I really can’t take credit for that, Ma’am. It’s all Gabriel’s and the teachers’ work.”

“Oh, now you’re selling yourself short! Everyone knows that none of this,” she gestures around to the dormitories, “would have happened without you.”

“She’s right, Dean-o,” Gabriel chimes in and lays an arm around his shoulder. “You’re our resident Omega superhero.”

Dean snorts and rolls his eyes. “Dude, you should know better. All I do is annoy the schoolboard every few weeks. You keep the rascals in check every day.”

“You’d be amazed what a mixture of bribery and late night horror stories can do for you,” Gabriel chuckles. “Your son hardly needs to be bribed anymore, though, Mrs. Fink. He does good work in class and he’s made a lot of friends around the house.”

“I’m glad. I’m really very glad, Mr. Milton.” She hugs Gabriel and he hugs her back with a smile.

“Have a Merry Christmas and we’ll see you in January,” he offers.

“Merry Christmas to you, too,” she beams and then wanders off to collect her son, who’d been running around with a few other half-grown pups, the raucous group made up out of a mixture of designations.

“You know what I needed to bribe him for?” Gabe asks.

“I’m sure you’re going to tell me,” Dean says.

“Talking. I told him every time a teacher told me he’d said something in class, he’d get a cookie, whether or not his answer was correct. Had to give up on that scheme about three weeks ago, because he pretty much provided everyone in the dorms with my cookies at that point,” Gabe snickers. “Made the rest of my bribery tactics ineffective.”

Dean chuckles. “You’re doing good work, Gabe.”

“Ehh,” Gabe dismisses the compliment. “The kids make it easy. They want to be their best. You just got to show them that you actually notice when they are.”

Dean smiles but he doesn’t answer. They both know that that’s the part that is missing in most every environment, at least where it concerns Omegas. But Dean’s seen the grade sheets of Gabe’s charges and they all excel in their classes. And by the looks of it, they’re happy, too.

“So is it like you thought it would be?” Dean asks when the next couple of parents have said their goodbyes and they have a moment’s break. “Having a bunch of pups to care for?”

Gabe looks at him for a second, uncharacteristically vulnerable, before letting his gaze sweep over the school yard again. They’ve put their own family planning on hold while they’re settling in at the pack.

“Sorry,” Dean apologizes. “Didn’t mean for the question to hurt.”

“It doesn’t. Not much anyway,” Gabe says but he doesn’t meet Dean’s eyes. Instead he’s watching the group that is still playing tag. “It’s different than I thought. They’re not mine. They have their parents waiting for them and they love them. At the same time – see the blond one?” he points.

“The one with the green jacket?”

“Yeah. He’s currently crushing on an Alpha girl in senior class. Doubt that his parents know that. Feels like a privilege that I do.”

“I understand,” Dean says. “Wish I’d had someone like you when I was their age.”

“Oh Dean-o, don’t get all sentimental on me now,” Gabe pokes him in the side, “just cause it’s Christmas and shit.”

That signals the end of their heart-to-heart and that’s fine. “So you two still coming over tomorrow?”

“Wouldn’t want to miss the big Christmas Eve event,” Gabe answers.

“Even though both Hannah and Anna are going to be there?”

Gabe grimaces but then he shrugs. “It is the season after all.”

“Attaboy,” Dean smirks, and because the cold really seems to be getting to him, leaving him unable to figure out whether he’s warm enough or not, but definitely eliciting a shiver or two, he adds, “I’m gonna go find Cas, okay?”

“Do that,” Gabe nods. “I’m going to wait for the last few parents.”

“Alright,” Dean replies and searches his way through the slowly thinning crowd.

They’ve done their best, integrating the dorms and the classes, and it shows in the friendships that have started to spring up, the pups aware of the strict boundaries of the world, but not yet pressured into them to the point of no return.

It’s harder with the parents. They’re trying that, too, integrating and mixing, but even with their best intentions, the school yard’s been split in two. It’s almost like crossing a physical boundary, the moment he steps from Gabe’s and his side to where the other half of the parents, the Alphas, are gathered near Bal and Cas.

A year ago, Dean would have turned tail and run back to the safety of the Omega-side, waited for Cas to collect him from there. Now, he fights against the urge to run or to at least make himself smaller, tries to keep his strides relaxed. This is his home turf, his mate’s territory and the school he’s a member of the schoolboard of. He’s got every right to be here.

It doesn’t mean he wants to provoke, though, so he smiles and nods hello, but keeps his eyes on shoulder-level or lower and avoids eye-contact.

Cas notices him when he’s a dozen paces and three parents out. “Hello, Dean,” he waves him over.

“Hey, Cas. How’s it going over here?”

“Ah, Mr. Terrino was just telling me about his son’s A in the last calculus test.”

“Congrats,” Dean mutters in the direction of the Alpha.

“Thank you,” the father answers. “Though my son was even prouder about the fact that he got an A for his music class. I wanted to know, are you planning to offer more courses in that direction?”

“There’s always band,” Cas offers while coming close enough to Dean that their shoulders brush.

“Don’t forget about the musical Mrs. Chandler wants to stage,” Dean reminds him.

“Oh yes! Have your son try out for that! I’m sure it’ll be amazing!”

There is a non-committal grunt from the parent that has Cas raise his eyebrows.

“It’s not only classical education that’s important, Mr. Terrino. An artistic streak is not unbecoming for an Alpha, no matter what your sire might have told you when you were young.”

This time, Cas gets a small self-deprecating chuckle. “Thank you, Mr. Novak, I’ll keep it in mind.”

“You do that, Mr. Terrino, you do that. A Merry Christmas to you and your family.”

“To you, too. The both of you.”

Cas beams at the inclusion of Dean. “It’s our pup’s first Christmas,” he volunteers proudly.

“Ah, that’s special. Pity they don’t remember it later. At least we do, right?”

“Quite right,” Cas smiles.

Mr. Terrino smiles back and goes to get his son.

Cas turns to Dean. “How are you doing?”

“Feeling a bit wonky,” Dean admits and presses his side against Cas’ in an attempt to unobtrusively get closer to his mate.

But of course, Cas won’t have any of that. Instead, he pulls Dean into his arms, uncaring about the stares they’re getting. It’s not like any of the parents dare to interfere, though Bal rolls his eyes at them. He’s made it clear that he prefers Dean and Cas as far apart as possible when it’s about business, but he’s also accepted that the concept rarely works.

“Merry Christmas, Misters Novak!” A cheerful chorus of high voices interrupts Dean’s musings. Seems that the young generation has less qualms about their open affection - or about interrupting it.

“Merry Christmas,” they both reply while reluctantly drawing apart again and watching the children run off towards their parents.

“Synchronized answers now, huh?” Balthazar materializes next to them. “Brains finally melted together?”

Cas raises his eyebrows, trying to decipher whether that was rude enough to warrant reprimanding since they’re in public.

But Bal already smiles apologetically and avoids the lecture by continuing, “It’s been good that you’ve been here, Castiel. People want to see their Alpha. But there’s hardly anyone left. Gabe and I can manage.”

Looking around, there actually aren’t that many people left.

“Well, Dean said he was not feeling all that well,” Cas muses. “What do you say, Dean, do you want to go home?”

“Getting out of _here_ wouldn’t be too bad,” Dean admits but leaves the sentence open. Because getting away from the school, he’s all for that, going home doesn’t necessarily have to happen.

Cas regards him for a moment while he works out what the answer means, then he breaks into a smile. “I see.” He turns back to Bal. “Thank you, Balthazar, I think we’re going to accept your offer. We’re still going to see you tomorrow?”

“Yes, of course.”

Cas chuckles. “Don’t strain yourself sounding enthusiastic.”

“I’m sorry, Castiel. It is very hospitable of you to invite us to both the decorating and the dinner.” But there is a smile in Bal’s voice that takes the sting out of the sarcasm.

Cas laughs. “It’s the first time for us, too. We’re at least as unsure about it as you are.”

Bal nods gruffly, and then the next parents are coming over and he has to turn to them, and Dean and Cas are free to go.

Dean follows Cas to their car. They’ve taken Cas’ hybrid because there’s snow, and Baby can deal with snow but if she doesn’t have to, Dean won’t make her.

“So, we have another two hours before our babysitter will get anxious. What do you want to do?” Cas asks as soon as the car doors are locked behind them.

“Uhh,” Dean says. “Was thinking about a cozy hot chocolate at the Cake & Pie.”

“Sounds good to me,” Cas nods and revs the engine.

They’ve done this every so often lately, going to the Cake & Pie for, well, cake and pie and a hot cup of something on their date nights. It’s weird maybe, discovering your enjoyment of café dates in your second year of marriage, but with them, that’s how it is.

The staff at the Cake & Pie is used to them by now, skittish beginnings having given way to warm smiles and steadfast support in keeping their private conversations as private as possible. The fact that Gabe hasn’t given up on his baking-business and Cas has helped negotiate an exclusive contract for Gabe’s cookies for the café also helps. When Gabe thought the pack wouldn’t be happy to have him back, he has severally underestimated the power of baked goods.

Cas and Dean get shown to their usual table in the corner by the window, and a few minutes later the hot chocolates are steaming in front of them.

Dean wraps his hands around the cup and lets the smell of cocoa fill his lungs. Christmas music is softly playing in the background, there’s a deco piece with real greens and fake snow on their table, and the whole street is decorated with Christmas lights. It looks so much like the scenery of a romantic movie it’s almost eerie.

“You’re frowning,” Cas observes.

“What?”

“You have hot cocoa, yet you’re frowning. That’s a bad sign.”

“I’m not…” But then maybe he was. Dean sighs. “It’s just – there’s snow and decorations and hot chocolate and we’re having a Christmas dinner and a party and it’s Mary’s first Christmas and I’m not feeling well and I don’t know if I can…”

“Make it through all of it without fleeing the festivities?” Cas asks, smile gentle but scent tense.

“I don’t want to flee, Cas,” Dean says, frowning for real now because he didn’t want to upset his mate. “It’s just that – Christmas ain’t a happy place for me. Feels like one wrong step could make it all blow up.”

“I know,” Cas nods.

He had indulged Dean last year, keeping the festivities to a minimum. It was easy, too, seeing that they had the handy excuse of the pregnancy. So they did the minimum tradition demands of them and then spent Christmas on the couch. It had been nice, cuddling close, watching sappy movies and pretending there was no outside world. But this year there’s family and there’s pack festivities and they still haven’t decided whether they’re going to go to Pastor Jim’s Midnight Mass. They should, of course, but Cas has been adamant about avoiding organized religion since their trip to Kansas.

“I want to make Christmas a happy place for you so badly,” Cas blurts, voice ripping Dean out of his thoughts. “I mean, our daughter, too, but – I don’t want you to pretend to be happy for her sake – or mine. I want you to actually look forward to the magic of Christmas,” he trails off, blush now tinting his cheeks.

For a moment, Dean has no idea what to answer. Then he chuckles softly. “You’re determined, aren’t you?”

Cas raises his eyebrows in question.

“You’re going to keep going until you can chase away every last bitter morsel of the past.” He says it with a smile, soft and warm, but he can’t help that it also turns out on edge.

Cas doesn’t manage to hold Dean’s eyes, looks away instead, out of the window, where dusk is rapidly falling, the neon lights of the street lamps painting orange circles onto the snow. “I know it’s not that easy, Dean. I can’t give you back a childhood you didn’t have.“

“Damn right, you can’t,” Dean answers and watches Cas’ face pull into a tight mask, so he continues softer. “But no one said you needed to, either. Don’t torture yourself trying.”

He expects a _‘But Dean!’_ and a round of arguments, but Cas only quietly exhales a long puff of air. “Should I ask Ellen to take over the party? To have it in the town hall as usual instead of at the house? I can make the appearance for the both of us.”

Dean watches his mate for a long moment. He means that, Dean can tell. He’s ready to shoulder the responsibility by himself and shelter Dean from the celebrations if that’s what Dean wants. “It’s the first time the pack is invited to the manor for the celebration since you took over – you can’t cancel that,” Dean says softly.

“But I can,” Cas disagrees. “I’m the Alpha. So if this is what you need, I can make it happen.”

That’s undoubtedly true. Still. “Yes, you’re the Alpha. But – _our_ pack, Cas. Do you mean it when you say that?” Dean asks, still gentle, no challenge in his voice.

“Of course!“ Cas exclaims empathically.

“Then this is my responsibility, too, little Alpha,” Dean mumbles, careful to have no one overhear the pet-name. “I care about this. This isn’t all on your shoulders.”

“ _Our_ pack,” Cas repeats and a bashful smile spreads on his face. “Thank you, Dean.”

Dean smiles, too, their private truth holding firm as always. Only, the party will not be private. It will be about as public as it can get, while pretending to be private. And that’s where Dean comes up short right now.

They’ve found their own MO for the schoolboard. It’s different from when they’re alone, but within the rules Cas has set for pack business, Dean is free to state his opinion and even outright disagree with Cas and fend for his opinion. Because they’re first and foremost schoolboard members at that moment, not mates.

The party is different. They’re letting people into their home, in a relaxed and casual setting. People who expect them to behave like they behave privately. Now Dean and Cas have gotten a little more open about that lately, their dynamics being hard to shake in an instant for a traditional stance. But where their friends and family are one thing, it is almost certain that about everyone in the pack will be coming to the party, whether they personally agree with Cas as their Alpha or not. Which means Dean’s got to make sure to have his Alpha’s back.

“So, since it’s settled that we’re having the party at the house and are both attending, are there any traditions for me to follow? Anything special the Omega mate is supposed to do or not supposed to do?”

Cas looks at him blankly, apparently not quite following, so Dean elaborates a little more.

“Like, should I stay by your side at all times? Or be the homemaker and make sure the food and drinks don’t run out? Should I stay quiet unless spoken to? Care for the pups in attendance? I’ve got no clue what’s expected of me. We haven’t had a party like this before.”

Unless you count their wedding, but they hadn’t actually stayed at the party long enough for Dean to get himself into trouble. Apart from the make-out sessions in the kitchen, probably. Those had been inappropriate. But then, they’d been newly-weds. Newly-weds are easily forgiven.

“Jesus, Dean.” Cas runs a hand through his hair and leans back in his chair, bringing some space between them.

“Hey, it’s fine,” Dean shrugs. “You tell me what to do, and I can be whatever tradition demands me to be for the party.”

He doesn’t quite manage to say it nonchalantly, though. Ever since Cas has told him about Michael’s mate Adam, he imagines himself stepping in his footsteps on occasions like this. Adam’s been the last Omega mate before him who lived in their house after all. And he has a feeling that Adam had a strict ‘no interaction with anyone’ rule on days like this.

Dean shudders. He doesn’t live in the same cage Adam lived in, in fact, he’s got a much bigger place in their pack than he’s ever assumed he could have. But it still doesn’t give him happy tingly Christmas feelings to be forced to stay silent and demure in his own home, even if it’s just for a day.

“There’s no tradition, Dean,” Cas says softly.

“What?” Dean shakes himself and concentrates back on Cas.

“There’s _traditions_. About foodstuffs and presents and singing Christmas carols. But there’s no tradition for the Omega mate. No role for you to fill. You’re free to do whatever you want.”

And okay, Dean’s not going to complain about that but it doesn’t make sense. “How come?” Was Adam not even allowed to take part in the Christmas celebrations as a silent bystander? Now that would be something that Cas wouldn’t do to Dean, no matter what traditions apply.

Cas fidgets for a moment, nervously ripping little shreds off his napkin. “There was no one who had your role, Dean. My father didn’t have a mate and Michael never invited the pack to the manor.”

“What?” Dean blinks. That’s news to him. “Naomi isn’t your mother?” Because she’s in most of the family pictures Dean has seen.

“Naomi is neither my mother nor was she my father’s mate. She was our nanny,” Cas sighs.

“Oh.” Dean is at a loss for words. They don’t talk about Cas’ family much, because, well, Cas’ family is fucked up, but there had never been a reason to assume that the woman in the pictures wasn’t the pups’ mother. “I guess I got the story wrong then. I thought I heard – doesn’t Gabe call her mother?”

Cas nods. “He does, every so often. It doesn’t make her our birth-mother.”

“Uh, okay,” Dean says and wonders whether it’s a good idea to ask.

Because now that he thinks about how he came to assuming, it’s because Cas only ever talks about his father. The Alpha who left. He’s never once mentioned his other parent, and if you haven’t mentioned someone in two years, then there’s probably a reason for it. And it might hurt Dean’s feelings a bit to be left in the dark, but at the same time he doesn’t think Cas doesn’t trust him with the information. It’s much more likely that this is a topic that hurts.

“Okay. Then just tell me what _you_ want of me at the party,” Dean decides to let the topic rest for now.

Cas opens his mouth, once, twice, but no sound comes out. He has to breathe in deeply and start anew to center himself again. “I want you to be yourself, Dean.”

So Cas is taking the out that Dean offered. He nods, though he can’t keep from being a bit disappointed. But then, they’re in public. Even if Cas was inclined to share the story, he’d not do it here. “That’s still a pretty wide range, Cas. You sure you want to leave it up to me?”

“Why wouldn’t I?” Cas asks slightly irritated.

“Because it’s everyone. And you know how many deaths Ellen dies every time we’re showing up together somewhere where there’s everyone.” Because somehow, being proper, even when they plan on being just that, at some point always falls to the wayside.

Cas scoffs. “She’s unhappy with my behavior, not yours.”

“I’m aware,” Dean grins. Because, hey, he’s only following his Alpha’s lead – or at least he always has that excuse. “I’ll make sure to keep it that way, too. She’s got a temper that’s rivaling Bobby’s.”

Against the odds, that makes Cas smile and wipes out some of the effect the heavy topic had on him. “See. You already have a plan. You don’t need my input.”

“Not true,” Dean protests. “You ain’t usually telling me to be silent and look pretty. You know that, right? Your input _is_ appreciated.”

It feels like not enough, somehow, just the words, so Dean catches Cas’ sleeve and draws Cas’ hand away from where it’s wrapped around his slowly cooling mug and into his own.

“If we were at home, I’d kiss you senseless right now,” he mumbles, averting his eyes though the heat in his face tells him that his scent will give his sentimental mood away anyway.

“I love you,” Cas answers, and there go all their resolutions about being appropriate in public when he leans over the table and draws Dean into a kiss after all.

 

They move on after that, drop the heavy topics and talk about their day with the parents and pups instead. But talking about parents, discussing the dynamics between the Alpha and Omega parents of the students, figuring out who is conservative and who is progressive, who’s got no problem with artist Alphas and mathematician Omegas, and who’s trying to pressure their kids to conform, doesn’t necessarily make the topic of the unknown parent disappear. It’s like they’re a third person at their table in the café. And then they ride home in the backseat with them. Look into Mary’s crib when they bring her to bed. Eat dinner with them. Watch as Cas excuses himself to go to the kitchen drawer and get a couple of aspirin. Which, Dean thinks, is all by itself indication enough how much the topic is eating at him.

“I have no idea who my other parent is, Cas,” Dean finally says when he can’t take Cas’ stressed out scent anymore. “So if you don’t know them, I don’t care. I won’t judge you. Or your father.”

Cas puts the rest of the meds back in the drawer, back still turned to Dean. His movements are slow and calculated, giving him a little more time before turning around to face Dean. “If I was you, I wouldn’t make that promise quite yet.”

And okay, that sounds ominous. But Dean doesn’t hesitate to get up and close the distance to his mate. Cas leans into his touch gratefully, scenting at Dean’s neck and pressing a few kisses into his skin.

“My father didn’t have a mate, Dean,” Cas mumbles into Dean’s skin. “And far as I know, he never even had affairs apart from one.”

“Come again?” Dean asks because that doesn’t make much sense.

Cas straightens away a bit and grimaces. “Dean, you had to have assumed that the situation was complicated. What with us siblings having every possible designation.”

“Well,” Dean says, “your father could have had a thing for Betas. Or more than one relationship. He wouldn’t be the first one, especially if there’s no true mate involved.”

“Dean, I – I think there wasn’t such a thing as a true mate for my father.”

“What are you saying?”

Cas sighs. “I’m saying that Anna is the result of my father’s only actual attempt at a relationship. Her mother’s name is Becky Rosen. From what I understand, my father lived with her for a year and a half, coming home only sporadically and almost destroying the pack for the first time through his absence. I went through all the papers after I took over. My father had paid her a monthly allowance. Michael didn’t. I tried to visit her, but she’d moved to the coast. So all I was able to do was catch her on the phone.”

“And?”

Cas shrugs. “She was – easily excitable. And upset. Called my father a few not very flattering names. And told me that she pitied my pack since I had inherited his genes.”

Dean growls at the insult, even though it’s years back and the offender nowhere near. But no one gets to talk shit about Cas. Or Cas’ family for that matter.

Cas leans into Dean again, absentmindedly rubbing circles into his back, very much the same way Dean does when Cas is upset. He doesn’t stop talking, though. “She said it was never much of a relationship between them. That he was mostly locking himself into a room writing manuscripts that he never showed her. And that she had no idea why he slept with her that first time because he didn’t do it again.”

Dean’s eyebrows shoot up at that. “Are you saying that they’ve lived together for a year and a half but they had sex only once?”

“And she got pregnant from it, yeah.”

“Umm, wow.” Dean is at a loss for words. Even though they weren’t true mates, Dean would have expected at least something. Rationally, he knows that not all Alphas are insatiable, but really - something? Anything?

“That’s part of why I’m saying that I don’t think – it doesn’t seem like my father had any interest in relationships. Or the physical part of them. At all.”

Dean’s not studying social sciences without some knowledge about sexuality issues having rubbed off. “You’re saying he’s asexual.” It’s not really a question. Just very startling. He’s heard of Betas who live for their work and have no interest in relationships. Hell, he’s even heard of Omegas who are on suppressants permanently because they can’t stand the need that crops up during heat. But Alphas? Alphas take pride in their virility.

“I’m guessing a health professional would characterize him as that, yes. He wasn’t interested in romantic relationships, either, I gather. An unfortunate combination for a pack-Alpha.”

Cas is a health professional of course, having been trained as a doctor. He’s probably also the only one to dare characterize his father like this. A pack-Alpha’s first responsibilities are the stability of the pack and the longevity of his line to ensure future stability. Cas’ dad hadn’t been particularly adept at the current stability thing and as for the future stability…

“So, umm, if he didn’t have anyone, then who’s your other par-?”

“R72xb,” Cas says in a rush before Dean can finish the question.

“Beg your pardon?”

“R72xb. That’s all I know.” Defensiveness is flaring up in Cas’ scent like a wall of ivy covering everything else. He expects what he has said to make Dean angry.

It takes a moment to register but then Dean knows why. “A surrogate.” And judging by the number instead of name, not the kind that Gabe and Bal have been applying for, but the old-fashioned style. Omegas living in breeding clinics, for the Alphas to choose from. No say in which Alpha gets to impregnate them. No say in whether they want to be pregnant at that moment. No say in anything really.

“Yes.”

“One who lived in…”

“Yes.”

“Whose sole purpose was to…”

“Yes.”

Dean can’t help his gut reaction that his stomach turns at that, and judging by the way the ivy wavers as salt water rots its roots, the reaction is what Cas expected, yet he’s still not prepared for it.

Instead of giving in to the salt water, though, Cas makes his voice brittle. “To the best of my knowledge, my father used a reputable agency. Visited the facilities himself. Made sure everyone was well-paid and well-treated. Used the same child-bearer for Michael and Lucifer, and then for Gabriel and me.”

Cas draws the words around himself like a wall and Dean doesn’t know what to say.

“Father only had one sister. An Omega. She got married off to a pack that locked her away. My father didn’t want their Alpha to have a claim on this pack. So he made sure to produce enough heirs that one of them would turn out eligible. He couldn’t stand being touched. And he still made sure the pack was safe.”

The words dare Dean to argue with them, dare him to cast Castiel’s father as the bad guy in this, when all he did was his duty. And Dean sees Cas’ point, but his stomach is queasy. He guesses it’s not the same way for everyone. That there’s Omegas out there who serve as surrogates voluntarily. It’s just that Dean can’t imagine it. Even thinking about it, having some random Alpha’s pup grow in him, smelling like them, feels like a violation of his body.

Cas shakes off Dean’s touch and carefully steps out of his reach, bringing enough distance between them that there is no easy way to touch. “I told you to hold off your judgement until you knew the truth.”

But Cas’ voice is toneless and he’s gone pale, too. Draws himself up and into himself, perceived rejection from his mate affecting him more than he wants to let on.

Dean knows he smells shaken but he doesn’t like Cas retreating from him so he follows and steps right back into his space.

It’s almost a stand-off for a moment, both of them taut and unyielding. Then Cas gives in. It’s a small movement, almost imperceptible at first, but then his forehead sinks to Dean’s shoulder and Dean’s arms come up around his mate automatically.

“I’ve tried to find them, Dean,” Cas says desperately, “to offer them a home here. To give them something better than – but I have no legal foothold to even find out the names. The agency doesn’t exist anymore. There should still be records, somewhere, the government keeps track of this after all. But they’re not giving out the information. They’re not allowed.” He clings closer and pleads, “I know it’s not right, Dean. Please, I know.”

Dean nods and takes a few deep breaths to calm his upset stomach and with it his scent. This is not about him. This is not about how he’d feel as a surrogate. This is about Cas being scared when it’s not Cas’ fault. Cas didn’t ask for any of this. Cas tried to make it right. Worse, Dean’s pretty sure that his exact reaction is why Cas hasn’t told him earlier. And Dean can’t have that. Can’t have his mate afraid of telling him the shitty stuff in his life for fear of Dean not being able to deal with it.

So he wraps Cas up tighter in his arms and nuzzles his nose into his mate’s neck. Lets biology and touch and scent do what he can’t do with words. Lets the reassurance of _mate_ drain a part of the tension and fear.

“I really wouldn’t have cared, Dean. If we couldn’t have had children,” Cas whispers into the fabric of Dean’s shirt. “I would have been good with that. I wouldn’t have done the same thing my father did.”

Dean believes it, too. Cas is making deliberate choices. Different choices not only than Michael, but also than his father. “I know,” he soothes. “I know.”

“I’m sorry that I’m already ruining Christmas,” Cas’ voice almost breaks on the words.

Cas is putting so much more pressure on Christmas than Dean is. He couldn’t care less, actually, as long as his mate stops smelling like he’s going to break apart any second. “It’s okay, Cas. You’re okay. I’ve got you.”

Dean cups Cas’ face with his hand, draws him up from where he’s hiding his face in Dean’s shirt and softly closes his lips over Cas’.

It’s gentle and warm, Cas kissing back only tentatively until Dean nudges at him, soft licks to Cas’ lips to tell him that they’re okay. That Dean isn’t upset with him, isn’t disgusted with his mate because of how he came into this world.

He doesn’t expect the soft moan that his licks draw out of Cas, but he likes it because it means what he’s doing is working. He really doesn’t expect it when Cas’ mouth falls pliant, opens up easily to let Dean in. This is not their usual approach. Oh, their kisses get plenty heated and everyone gets ravished at some point, but this quiet surrender is new.

Dean’s heartbeat increases with it, and now it’s him who’s tentative as he slides his tongue into Cas’ mouth, no demand behind it but acknowledging Cas giving over the control nonetheless. Cas wraps his tongue around Dean’s, invites him in deeper, and it makes Dean’s breath catch in his throat but he takes the invitation anyway, gives the kiss a rhythm and starts grinding his hips against Cas.

He can feel the heat spreading and blossoming from every point of contact between them, his senses sharpening and focusing, the world wanting to fall away. But they’re still in the kitchen, still out in the open and they are both affected now, arousal overriding anxiety and clearly showing in the lines of their bodies. It takes thoughts of Hannah walking in on them for Dean to rein himself in, but that image does the trick and he stills their motion by grabbing Cas’ hips and breaking away from his mouth.

“Bedroom.” It’s the only word he gets out, but it’s not like there are any more words needed.

Until they’re in the bedroom and have rid themselves of their clothes anyway because when Dean crawls on the bed to lie back and welcome Cas into his arms, Cas stays next to the bed, fidgeting.

“Can we – can we do that again, please? Just tonight,” Cas asks. “Just because…” He trails off.

But Dean gets it, some of it anyway, so he sits back and pats the space beside himself on the bed. “Come here, then. You don’t have to be in charge tonight. I’ll take care of you.” Because that’s how this works. How they work. When Cas needs Dean, Dean is there, same as Cas is for him when Dean needs him.

Cas lies down on his back and it’s his arms that welcome Dean and Dean kisses him soundly, not hesitating this time when Cas’ mouth opens for him without being prompted.

Dean tries to keep it gentle and calm, runs his hands over his mate’s hair and face, every touch designed to be soothing. But Cas’ mouth is hot and his body is lean under Dean’s, and where he’s felt off all afternoon, like he was developing a fever, this feels right and like he should be here and they should be doing this. So he brackets Cas’ thighs with his legs, gives himself more leverage and lets his kisses become more heated, more demanding.

Until he notices that Cas is shaking under his hands and mouth, that is. Cas’ breath hitches in a way that’s decidedly more sob than excitement. It breaks Dean’s heart and he backs off, not far, but enough that the spark in the air between them can peter off.

Only Cas doesn’t let him. “No, come back, please!” He clings to Dean, expression pleading.

“Cas, we can stop,” Dean says softly. “I can just hold you. That’s okay.”

But Cas shakes his head fervently, even though there is wetness clinging to his lashes.

“You want to keep going?” Dean asks to make sure.

“Want to be one with you,” Cas mumbles and it comes out half-broken. “Please.” As if he actually expects Dean to refuse him.

“Want that, too, Cas,” Dean murmurs and presses a few kisses to Cas’ neck. “We’ll take it slow, though. Okay, little Alpha?”

Cas nods and Dean presses close again.

Every kiss says _I love you_. Every touch means _I’m here for you_. Every eye contact spells _I’m yours_. Every point of connection says _We’re already one_.

The tears in Cas’ eyes flow over at some point, running silently down his cheeks and Dean isn’t sure anymore whether they’re happy or sad. Whether they are for the father Cas lost, the parent he never knew, the Christmases that weren’t as happy as they were supposed to be. Or whether they are tears born out of this year, of almost losing Dean, of gaining a daughter, of growing closer every day and never wanting to let go.

It doesn’t matter, really.

“I’ve got you, Cas,” Dean mumbles. “Let me take care of you, my beloved.”

It isn’t a pet-name he’s ever used before but it’s the only one that seems to fit right this second.

“Want you, Cas. Want you to be mine.”

“I am. I am. Oh, please make me yours.”

It comes out rushed and breathless and Dean straddles Cas’ thighs again, slides down slowly, takes Cas inside and connects them in the most physical way he knows. Cas starts sobbing again, even as he arches his back into Dean.

“It’s okay, Cas,” Dean whispers against his skin as he kisses Cas’ tears away, “I’ve got you. Just let me do the work.”

He laces their fingers and presses their hands down into the mattress next to Cas’ head, bracing himself so that he can find a good angle to move. He keeps his face close to Cas’, kissing him intermittently, listening to every sound and making sure he catches every change in his scent.

Cas has already taught him better than to laugh at the expression _making love_ , but this, this feels purely and unadulterated like that.

“I love you, Cas,” he lets his breath ghost over Cas’ skin, “I love you so much and there ain’t nothing in the world can change that.”

Cas frees his hands then, draws Dean even closer, peppers kisses onto his neck and his face, his tears slowly subsiding as he gets lost in the moment and Dean gradually, very gradually ups their tempo to build a quiet crescendo that leaves them shuddering and boneless and deeply connected.

 

They lie quiet in the afterglow for a long time, wrapped so tightly around each other that there’s not an inch of space between them.

Finally, Cas lets go with a sigh. “We should clean up and actually go to sleep.”

“Yeah,” Dean nods but instead of moving off of where he’s still sprawled mostly on top of Cas, he only looks up. “You better?”

“Yes. Thank you, Dean,” Cas answers quietly.

Dean shakes his head. “Yours. Always. Nothing to thank me for. Besides, none of this is your fault. You’re trying to do things right.”

Cas nods, and Dean presses another kiss to his mouth before getting up.

“It wasn’t his fault, either,” Dean says when they’re back in bed a while later, cleaned up and cuddled together. “Your father’s.”

“But it was,” Cas says.

“No,” Dean disagrees. “He got dealt a shitty hand. He did the best he could with it.” Dean shrugs. “He didn’t know what else to do. So I get it. I don’t condone it, but – I get it.”

Cas stares at him through the dark of the room. “Why are you defending him? It was Omegas that he used.”

Dean sighs. He’s not quite sure why, either. Apart from that he doesn’t think Cas’ father was a bad guy. “As you said, he made sure they got treated well. More than most people would. And – I don’t know, must have been a pretty goddamn shitty feeling for him, being the Alpha and not being able to provide what his pack needed.”

“Yeah.”

“You _are_ providing what your pack needs, Cas,” Dean says because the agreement sounded way too dejected for his liking.

“I try,” Cas answers and still sounds pained.

“You succeed,” Dean stubbornly insists.

“Do I?” Cas asks and there’s actual doubt in his voice. “Do I give you what you need, Dean?”

“How do you even need to ask that?” Dean shakes his head. But of course he knows why. Because Cas was clinging to Dean just an hour ago, relying on him to provide emotional stability. “It’s not unbecoming for an Alpha to lean on his mate, no matter what your Sire might have told you,” Dean parrots a version of Cas’ own words back to him, inviting him to share both the joke and truth in them.

“Ha ha,” Cas grumbles and buries his face in the pillows.

So Dean stops with the teasing and lays a hand on Cas’ back. “Let me tell you again then: You’re a good Alpha and a good person. You’re everything I want, Cas.”

That gets Cas to turn back around. His eyes are sparkling in the dark.

Dean chuckles. “Did someone hear the word _want_?”

“Maybe,” Cas admits and his hands wander over to Dean.

“Uh-huh, got a feeling there’s nothing ‘maybe’ about it,” Dean grins and scoots closer. “Wanna take the reins this time?”

They fall asleep curled up into each other after the second round, sated, emotions evened out, and have a full night’s rest, though it doesn’t feel like it in the morning when Mary’s crying through the baby phone wakes them up. Dean groans, and yeah, maybe he’s actually caught a bug because it still feels like he’s developing a fever. So it’s Cas who manages to drag himself up out of bed, though he doesn’t manage more than to get Mary from her room, shove a few rice crackers at her, and then plop down onto bed again, placing their pup in the middle between them.

Dean is good with that, though, because mate. Mate should be close at all times. He grabs at Cas sleepily and then falls asleep for another blessed hour or so before Mary gets bored and starts tugging at his hair.

When they’re finally up and dressed, the house is already bustling. The Christmas tree has been set up the other night, but it needs to be decorated. Their household is milling around the living room, boxes already in place, morning coffee downed, but unable to start with the decorating because traditionally, the Alpha hangs the very first decoration as well as the very last, the angel tree topper that sits reverently on the sill over the fireplace right now.

Dean still doesn’t feel particularly energetic, but a house full of impatient Betas and a grumpy mate does not work for him, so he quickly shoves a cup of coffee at Cas when he sees him half-growling at Charlie when she complains to him that Hannah doesn’t want her to hang up her Star Wars decorations. “Christmas Eve, Cas, play nice,” he chides gently.

Cas grumbles something inaudible and takes a long gulp from his coffee mug. It seems to give him an idea that brightens his spirits because he suddenly perks up. “Come with me,” he orders cheerily.

The tree takes up one complete corner of the living room, and the boxes with the decorations take up the rest of the space, so Cas has to weave his way through the chaos to the middle. There is too much stuff around for Mary to safely crawl through the chaos so instead of setting her down on the ground, Dean keeps her in his arms.

“Pick one,” Cas says to Dean and points at the array of shiny glass figurines, Christmas baubles and wooden decorations, before stretching his arms out to take over his daughter.

The small audience of Christmas decorators, Hannah, Charlie and Meg, but also Jo and Ellen who have come early for this occasion, are watching as Dean gives his daughter to his mate, making sure she doesn’t get to grab at any of the boxes.

Dean looks around. There are straw stars, red and green Christmas baubles, and a whole lot of varied ornaments, Charlie’s Star Wars decorations included. But it’s the colorful glass ornaments that get his attention. There are trains and sleds and planes, pretty much every mode of transportation imaginable, but Dean picks out a hot air balloon. It looks lovely, the rainbow-colored balloon, sparkling in the morning light. He holds it up for Mary’s inspection and she coos at him and tries to grab it.

“No, Sweetie, you’re too young, you’ll break it,” he smiles and gives her a kiss on the forehead instead. Then he looks up at Cas and waits what he wants to do next.

Cas nods at the Christmas tree. “Well, what are you waiting for, find a place for it.”

“Cas…”, Dean hesitates because that’s definitely not his place.

“Do it.”

Dean’s stomach does a little jump at the Alpha command, noticeably in both the hitch in his breath and his scent most likely, judging by how Cas smirks at him. Dean scowls because Cas definitely did that on purpose, but he can neither ravish Cas right here and now, nor ignore the command in front of others.

So he reins in both the urge to stick his tongue out and the pull in his stomach that steers him towards his mate. Not Dean’s fault if they’re already not keeping with tradition. He does as he’s told and finds a place where the balloon is just high enough for their daughter when she’s sitting on his hip to look directly at it.

“Perfect,” Cas nods with the self-satisfied grin of a smug cat, when the doorbell rings. “And thus, the Christmas tree duty is yours. I’ll go open the door and feed our daughter.” He turns on his heel and marches out, coffee mug in hand, Mary on his hip.

Dean stares after him somewhat speechless. That was well played. Then he decides to take the change of plan in stride and claps his hands. “You heard him. It’s open house now.”

That’s enough to get the Betas moving, excited chatter breaking out. Ellen puts on some Christmas music on the stereo, and a few minutes later, Gabriel and three half-grown pups, an Alpha and two Omegas whose parents are overseas and couldn’t get them for Christmas, join the frenzy.

Gabriel immediately plonks down on the couch, stating that he’s shit at decorating unless it’s with candy, because candy best decorates the inside of his stomach. Unsurprisingly, he produces a bag of candy from his pocket and starts munching on it.

Dean doesn’t call him out on it because the argument about the Star Wars decorations breaks out again, so Dean’s got to get between Hannah and Charlie and play mediator before they end up at each other’s throats. Of course his interference predictably ends with the Star Wars decorations being put up. Sue him, he likes Star Wars.

Cas checks in on them after a while and when Gabriel gives him a pleading look, he drops off Mary on the couch where she excitedly crawls over her uncle to get to the boxes with the Christmas baubles. Gabe catches her at the last second and drags her back. Mary’s face scrunches up in protest, but then Gabriel pulls faces and everything is okay again. Well, baby-sitting at least gives Gabe something to do that’s not eating candy.

With his mate in the room but far out of reach by the door, it’s hard to concentrate on decorating, so Dean gives in and goes over to him to rope him into helping with a few kisses and a firm tug on his hand. And for all his token protest, it’s clear that Cas is awake enough now that he enjoys himself. He’s actually helpful, too, though it’s hard not to stop to steal kisses every so often.

They’re almost done with the tree, Ellen and Jo already moved on to hanging garlands around the room when the doorbell rings again. Charlie hollers that she’s going to get the door, and a minute later, the smell of airplane and Alpha drifts into the room. That magics an instant smile on Dean’s face and he leaves the decorations behind and goes to say Hi to his brother.

Sam’s hair is even longer than it was, and Dean gets wrapped into a tight Moose hug before he’s even gotten the _Merry Christmas_ out. Sam’s scent is happy and warm and Dean’s heart expands, because with Sam here the family is complete, and it’s a Christmas with a tree and presents, and everyone is in good spirits and maybe Christmas actually can be joyful.

Consequently, he surprises Jessica by wrapping her into a hug, too.

She takes a moment to adjust, but then she wraps her arms around Dean’s back and hugs him back. When they let go, he holds her at arm’s length for a moment, studying her. She’s rounder than she was. “Yep, definitely pregnant.”

“Blockhead,” she laughs. “Of course I am.”

“And apparently feeling better if you can insult me.”

“Oh God, yes, fortunately the first trimester is over.”

“Any other side-effects?” Dean asks.

That breaks her smile for a moment. “Just humans,” she says bitterly before shaking herself out of it and putting the smile back on her face. “But that’s not a Christmas topic. Where can we help?”

He directs them to setting up the lights, because that’s a good thing for a Sasquatch and a Sasquatch wife to do.

Cas is right in his space the moment they’re gone, hugging him.

“Huh?” Dean asks, taken by surprise. But then, oh yeah, he just hugged two Alphas, didn’t he?

So he nuzzles his nose into Cas’ skin. “Still all yours, Cas.”

Not that he thinks Cas doubted it. Dean’s quick to cover up any other scents on Cas with his own, too, whether it’s necessary or not.

And Cas doesn’t show any further displays of possessiveness, just kisses Dean and melts into their embrace until Charlie calls, “Hey, Alpha, we’re done. It’s your turn.”

She holds out the angel to Cas. He reverently takes it from her and carefully smooths the angel’s hair and dress. It’s beautifully made. Genderless, as far as Dean can discern, neither male nor female, neither Alpha nor Omega.

Cas looks up at Dean with a small private smile. “I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End,” he quotes softly. “We should keep this as our tradition, you putting the first piece of decoration on the tree, me the last.”

He steps away then to put the angel on top of the tree, not giving Dean a chance to react to the statement. Instead, Dean’s left to stare at his mate, who in his own quietly rebellious way has found yet another opportunity to make Dean important where he shouldn’t be.

Everyone applauds when the angel has found their home on top of the tree, and thus the decorating part of the day has officially come to a close. Hannah ushers them towards the kitchen, which has also gotten its share of greenery and ribbons and candles and garlands, but more importantly, where refreshments are waiting.

Dean takes back Mary from Gabe but she’s way too hyped and fascinated by the company that she would let herself be put to bed for her nap right now. So he eats while bouncing her on his lap and listens quietly to the immediate discussion of what they should be doing next. Between the cold he’s caught, last night’s activities and the busy morning, Dean is wiped already so he relishes that the animated debate doesn’t need his input.

Going out into the snow to have some fun is quickly agreed upon. Now it hasn’t been snowing enough that sledding would be an option, but it’s been consistently freezing for over a month, so the majority vote is to go skating on the lake.

Dean volunteers to stay behind and wait for the caterers that will bring their food for tonight, but Cas will hear nothing of that. His own volunteering also gets shot down. Hannah would stay behind, too, but she gets drowned out by a chorus of “you need the fun most of us all”, which makes her bristle, even though she caves. In the end, it’s Jessica who says that she’s out of commission for anything that has a danger of falling anyway and will enjoy sitting on the couch and listening to the quiet of an empty house. She adds a pointed glare at Sam for that, so she is pretty much throwing him out, too.

As soon as everything is decided, there is a frantic scramble, everyone trying to locate their skates, Gabe calling Bal to ask to meet them at the lake and bring their skates. Cas is nice enough to call Anna and let her know that if she makes it in time, she can come to the lake, too.

There is a stash of old skates that the brothers Novak grew out of over the years, in which they find a pair for each of Gabriel’s charges. None of them fit Dean but he didn’t really expect them to. It’s not like he can skate in the first place. Sam’s learned it when he was in high-school, going out with his friends to the lake often, but Dean was already working fulltime then and never got the chance. It doesn’t bother him too much, so he doesn’t draw attention to himself and instead bundles up Mary until she looks like a miniature Michelin man.

They are a rambunctious group when they finally leave the house, Gabriel and the pups instantly starting a snowball fight with the scarce snow. It doesn’t take more than a few minutes before Gabe deliberately hits Cas full on in the neck. Cas squeaks indignantly and for a second everyone holds their breath before he bends down to scoop up some snow in retaliation.

Dean watches the proceedings with a smile even though he’s got no inclination to get in the middle of the fight and instead stays to the side of the group, walking slowly with Mary’s stroller, while the contestants are squealing and running.

“Do you want me to take over stroller duty for a while?” Sam asks.

Dean’s been so focused on the triple attack of the pups on Charlie that he hasn’t heard him come up next to him. “Nah, I’m good. It’s a good excuse not to get into the fray.”

“Pretty sure Cas would love the excuse to get handsy, though,” Sam chuckles.

“And since when does he ever need an excuse for that?” Dean grins. But the truth is, he’s still feeling slightly off. And he won’t be skating with them, so if he’s already coming down with something, he doesn’t want to be sweat through and start freezing while he waits for them.

“I concede the point,” Sam says good-naturedly.

“So how are you doing?” Dean asks to get the focus off of himself.

“Jessica is doing well. And her mood’s gotten significantly better when the morning sickness disappeared.”

Dean snorts. “I get it, man. What about you?”

“Do you mean because of Dad?”

Dean shrugs noncommittally. “Among other things, yeah.”

“I still accidentally bookmark rehab clinics when I stumble upon them during case research. But apart from that, I’m good.”

Dean nods. He isn’t sure it’s the whole truth but Sam smells happy enough.

“We haven’t forgotten about the photos for you, by the way. They’re just – it’s the Christmas present. I’m not supposed to tell you more about it yet.”

“Then you better don’t,” Dean says. “And thanks.” He hadn’t actually thought Sam had forgotten.

“This is something else, huh?” Sam nods at the party running around, chasing each other. They’ve formed alliances now, though they seem to be shifting every so often.

“Sorry that it was never like this for us,” Dean says because he’s done his best, but Christmas had always been hard. Even after they’d left Dad behind. The time before Christmas had always been a rush at the garage, everyone needing their cars to visit their families, and often there’d been emergency repairs during the holidays. Dean had always volunteered to take those shifts with Bobby. It was good because they’d needed the money and when Dean worked enough overtime, there was a chance that they’d have both an actual Christmas meal on the table and presents under the tree. But it also meant that Sam had been alone on Christmas more than once.

“Hey, I never had a problem marathoning Lord of the Rings for Christmas,” Sam nudges him. “Actually, I kind of miss it. Jess indulges me, sure, and she even makes popcorn, but it doesn’t hold any significance for her, so it’s not the same.”

Dean chuckles. In their first year on their own, they’d tried to string popcorn together and make decorations out of that, but somehow most of the popcorn had ended up in their stomachs, so they’d given up on that plan and eaten the rest of the popcorn, too. A tradition that they’d kept in subsequent years. “Bobby’s invited, too. For the formal thing tonight. Didn’t have time during the day, the shop and everything. But Cas invited him for tonight.”

“Sure. He’s family,” Sam says.

“Yeah,” Dean nods, even though Bobby is not Cas’ family. If anything, he’s Dean’s family. And maybe Ellen’s. Though nothing’s official on that.

They walk quietly beside each other for a while, shoulders brushing every so often.

“The doc said it’s risky to do it before the pup is born,” Sam says out of the blue.

“Do what?” Dean asks.

“Get mated,” Sam explains.

“Oh.”

“We wanted to because – you know, we’re sure that we’re mates. And even in California, having a pup on the way and not being mated is frowned upon. But apparently we missed our window. Something about the change in chemicals that happens with the bite.”

“Bad for the pup?”

“Stressful for Jess’ body. It would be less of a problem if she was an Omega but as an Alpha... They think we shouldn’t risk it.”

“After the pup is born then?”

“Yes,” Sam says, “definitely yes. As soon as possible.”

Dean nods. “It’s going to make things easier. I mean, I know you’re there for each other and everything, but it changes things, being mated. Something settles. Your presence will help her much more physically.”

“And my absence will hurt much more.”

“Yeah, that, too,” Dean admits.

“I’m gathering her Alpha was already gone at this point.”

“What?”

“When Mom was pregnant with you,” Sam elaborates.

Oh. Dean sighs. “You’re still looking.”

“Yeah. I’ve narrowed it down some, actually.”

That’s news that make Dean uncomfortable. He’s not sure he wants to know. But Sam is going to tell him whether he wants to hear it or not, so Dean decides it makes no difference and asks. “How’d you do that?”

“Dad’s journal.”

It shouldn’t come as a surprise but somehow it does. “He wrote about that kind of shit?”

“He wrote about Mom. And about us. Things slip in every so often.”

“Uhh, so what’d you find out?” This is the first time Sam might actually be on to something.

“That it was a male Alpha. And a pretty powerful one.”

The way Sam fidgets with that makes Dean even more nervous. “Powerful, huh? You think she got – coerced?” Somehow that word seems easier than _raped_. Especially when it’s his Mom. And he’s the outcome of it.

Sam shakes his head. “I think Dad wanted to convince himself that it was so. I’m not so sure.”

“Why?”

“Cause she didn’t give up his name to the pack. They tried to make her, so they could get damages. She didn’t. Instead she ran away and met Dad.”

“Did she tell him?”

“No, doesn’t seem like she did. She might have thought he’d do something stupid.”

And yeah, that sounds like their Dad. So, months of meticulous work for a few sentences about their past and another dead-end. It might relieve Dean, but it’s got to suck for Sam. “Sorry about that.”

“Not your fault.”

That’s both true and wrong, because without their Mom getting pregnant with Dean, they wouldn’t be having this conversation. Then on the other hand, without Dean, Mom would never have met Dad, and Sam wouldn’t be here, either. And that would definitely be a loss for the world.

Fortunately, Dean is spared from uttering any of those thoughts because they’re at the lake. “Time to party.”

“You can’t skate,” Sam states matter-of-factly.

“I’m aware,” Dean snorts, “but you can. So let’s see how elegant your moose butt can fall on ice.”

“Jerk.”

“Bitch.”

They smile and Sam asks him. “You good staying here on your own?”

“Not on my own,” Dean says and nods towards his sleeping daughter. “Someone needs to keep an eye on her anyway.”

“You sure?” Sam asks. “I can stay.”

“Go!” Dean waves him off.

Sam shrugs and with a short squeeze of Dean’s arm he’s gone, joining the others down at the pier to change into his skates.

Dean fishes for the blanket he’s stowed at the bottom of the stroller and puts it on the bench, padding the cold surface thickly before he sits down. The cold air helps a bit to clear his head and he welcomes that. But he still doesn’t want to aggravate whatever is wrong.

It takes a few minutes, but then Cas notices that Dean sat down instead of joining them at the lake. He comes jogging up the short path, breath puffing in front of him. “You’re not coming?”

“I’ll let you show me when there’s not as many people around. Too many blackmail videos.”

“You can’t skate,” Cas deducts.

“Honestly?” Dean shrugs. “I can’t even fall very gracefully. I’m content watching the lot of you bruise your bones.”

“Hmm,” Cas frowns disapprovingly. Then he tugs on the blanket. “Come on, make some space for me.”

“It’s okay, Cas. Go and have fun.”

The frown intensifies. “I’d rather sit with you. And I’m not freezing my ass off, so give me some of that blanket.”

“Cas, it’s fine. Go have fun.”

“Do I have to pull rank on you to allow me to sit down?”

Dean looks at Cas with raised eyebrows, “You trying to continue what you started this morning? Cause this is not the place and time, either,” Dean grumbles even while he gets up to rearrange the blanket so that they both have some space on it.

“What if I am?” Cas smirks and sneaks an arm around Dean so that they’re leaning into each other.

“You’re damn stubborn, you know that?” Dean replies.

“You’re one to talk,” Cas chuckles and drops a kiss into Dean’s hair where his head has already ended up on Cas’ shoulder. Then he buries his nose into Dean’s hair again and nudges at him so that he can get at his neck and scent him. “Are you okay, Dean? You’ve been smelling off since yesterday.”

“I’m okay,” Dean reassures. “A bit woozy still. Been stressful with the Christmas preparations. But it’s already getting better. Cold air helps.”

“It does?” Cas asks and leans in to scent him again.

“Hey, stop that. You’re my pillow, stay still.”

Cas chuckles but there’s something uneasy in his voice when he says, “Do you rather want to go home? We don’t have to stay.”

“I’m fine, Cas. Seriously. Just stop moving.”

This time, Cas complies and draws him closer so that they’re more comfortable. Close enough, actually, that it comes over as possessive. Especially since Dean can feel him breathe right into his hair. There’s something about the gesture that tugs at Dean. There’s no one around for whom Cas would have to act possessive. So it’s not about anyone else. It’s about Dean.

He’s purposefully avoided letting his thoughts drift in this direction but: “So, is there anything familiar about the way I smell off?” he asks somewhat timidly.

Cas only buries his nose deeper into Dean’s hair but there’s a tinge of fear in his scent now. And yeah, Dean’s expected that.

“I don’t think it’s that. I’ve felt like this since yesterday after all, and it’s not getting worse,” Dean mutters. “It didn’t take that long last time, it should be ramping up. Should have done so in the night actually.”

Cas nods tightly.

“Sorry,” Dean mumbles.

“For what?” Cas asks.

“Being a bother.”

Cas clucks his tongue disapprovingly. “You aren’t.”

“I will be if it is that. I’ll be whiny and needy and will try to keep you from entertaining our guests to stay with me instead.”

Cas snorts. “Right. Like I’d be entertaining guests while you’re… You’re an idiot, Dean. And I mean that in the most loving way possible.” He kisses Dean’s nose for emphasis.

“So you wouldn’t leave me alone?” Dean asks and knows he already sounds needy but he wants the reassurance.

“Never,” Cas promises and the wave of honey tells Dean that it’s the truth.

They sit quietly after that, watching the others on the ice. Hannah is surprisingly graceful while Meg looks surprisingly scared. Charlie and Sam are kind of just standing around on the ice, caught up in a debate about something that Dean and Cas are too far away to hear. Gabe, Bal and the pups are chasing each other across the ice, colliding every so often and falling in a tangle of limbs, but always coming back up laughing.

“They’re so happy,” Dean wonders. “They’re not even with their families, and they’re so happy.”

“Maybe we would have been happy, too, when we were pups. If we’d had housemasters like Gabe and Bal.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Dean says and can’t quite quell the old hurt. He lets it go, though, lets it pass through him while he breathes in and out, his mate’s arms around him keeping him safely in the present.

“My father tried. You have to give him that. But he wasn’t –“, Cas’ voice is soft, he is deep in his own memories, “He was rarely _there_. Physically, sure, though he took long trips to the city. But even when he was with us – we’d be singing the carols that Naomi taught us and he’d just be – vacant. Mind on a manuscript or in the clouds or with his whiskey, who knows. Then he’d jump up and excuse himself and wasn’t seen anymore until the next morning.”

It sounds less violent than the childhood Christmases that Dean remembers, but it doesn’t necessarily sound more appealing.

“Only thing he always took seriously was the Christmas Eve dinner. I don’t know, sometimes it felt like he wanted to make up for every other time he was failing in his authority with that one dinner.”

“More of a stiff event, then,” Dean assesses.

“Yes,” Cas nods. “A thank you to the household and the more important pack members. At the same time, a reaffirmation of his status above them.”

“Alright,” Dean nods. “Not that you need to reaffirm your status. But I’m guessing if fancy and well-behaved is expected, we can do that for one night.”

Cas doesn’t get around to answering that, because a thickly wrapped redhead shows up on the path.

“Anna. You could make it,” Cas greets her.

“Castiel, hello. Dean.”

Since she acknowledges his presence without being prompted, Dean even adds a smile when he nods his hello to her.

“The others have been on the ice for a while, you should join them. I remember you to be graceful on skates,” Cas says.

Anna smiles, pleased with the compliment even though she dismisses it, “That’s many years ago.”

“Still. I’ve heard once you know how to do it, you don’t unlearn the skill.”

“What about you?”

“I’ll stay with Dean, but thank you for asking. Actually, I think Dean and I might go back a little early, make sure everything is prepared.”

“Oh, alright. In that case, I’ll just…” She points vaguely to the lake and Cas dismisses her with a smile.

“We’re going back early?” Dean asks his mate.

“Would that be okay with you? Because my sweater is wet from the snowball fight and it’s getting somewhat cold,” Cas explains.

Dean watches him intently, wanting to make sure that his mate is okay. But then, yeah, Dean’s not feeling too hot – or well, kind of not hot and too hot at the same time, and it would be nice having Cas all to himself for a little bit. “Sure, let’s do that,” he nods.

They say a quick goodbye to the others, who, judging by the looks they’re getting, have their own idea about what’s going on.

“They all think we’re going home to fuck, you know that, right?” Dean says as soon as they’re out of earshot.

“Who says we aren’t?” Cas grins and takes over the stroller from Dean to push it forward.

“Is that so,” Dean smirks and gets close enough that he can squeeze Cas’ ass for a moment before falling half a step back.

“There is no one around, Dean,” Cas says evenly.

“I noticed,” Dean answers because he wouldn’t be fondling his mate when people are around to watch. Okay, he wouldn’t fondle his mate quite as openly.

“Then why don’t you stay up here?” Cas nods to the place next to him.

Dean buries his hands deep in his pockets and ducks his head but he walks faster for a few steps until they’re side by side. It’s not uncomfortable as such, they walk next to each other at the house, and there had definitely not been any ranking in the group on the way to the lake. But Cas is already pushing boundaries by taking over stroller duties, having his hands and strength occupied by the pup instead of being free to be alert to any dangers. Not that there are any. But the theory stands.

On the other hand, walking side-by-side, he can get close enough that his shoulder brushes Cas’ and that’s nice. Dean will just have to keep an eye out for anyone approaching.

“This, my father would have agreed on,” Cas says into the silence.

“This?”

“This,” Cas repeats and nudges Dean’s shoulder. “He didn’t say it out loud, but he wrote it in his manuscripts. His protagonists abhorred strict gender roles. Pretty sure that means that he favored equality over tradition.”

“So he liked you better than Michael.”

“Or maybe it’s the other way around. Maybe I liked father more than Michael did. Maybe I could accept that he was fallible as an Alpha but that some of his opinions and actions were still right and Michael couldn’t.”

Dean has never really thought about it that way. “Are you saying Michael became traditionalist to be _contrary_?”

Cas snorts. “Not the word I would have used, but there’s a certain truth to it. Michael felt the need to be strong where my father wasn’t.”

“You are not traditionalist and you are strong,” Dean counters.

“Not in Michael’s eyes.”

“You ousted him!”

“With the help of the pack.”

“And?”

“And according to Michael I should rule them, not listen to them.”

Dean huffs. “Wonderful.”

“Michael’s an assbutt,” Cas shrugs. “You knew that.”

“But you still miss him,” Dean challenges.

There is a long moment of silence before Cas asks, “What makes you say that?”

“Come on, Cas. We never talk about your family. And now it’s Christmas and everyone’s sentimental and we’re talking about the whole bunch of them. You miss ‘em.”

“Gabriel and Anna are here, I’m not missing them,” Cas replies.

“But you’re deflecting the question,” Dean points out. When Cas doesn’t answer, he shrugs. “It’s fine, you don’t have to admit it. I don’t, either.”

“You miss your father?” Cas asks surprised.

Dean shrugs. “Don’t miss having to clean up after his drunken ass. But before Mom died – I miss that. And -,” he isn’t sure he should really finish that sentence but Cas is still looking at him so he quickly mutters, “I kinda miss Benny, too.”

As expected, there is more silence after that.

“Forget that I said that. It’s not important. I have so much extended family now, it’s overwhelming as is.”

But it’s never that easy and Cas doesn’t let go when Dean volunteers information like this.

“What would you have done? Him and you? For Christmas.”

Dean fidgets uncomfortably. Yeah, mate gets to ask questions like this, but mate is sometimes a bit overzealous on points that will end up upsetting him.

“Depends,” Dean tries to evade.

“On what?” Cas asks back.

“On whether Dad was home. On how drunk he was. On whether it was safe to leave Sammy alone for a few hours. If it was, we’d meet up when everyone else went to church for Midnight Mass. I told Sam he was too young to come and to go sleep. I always came back before he woke in the morning. And if it wasn’t safe,” Dean shrugs. “What can you do.”

Though really, they had met up even then. If just for a few minutes lurking in a dark corner near the entryway to their building. Enough to exchange the crappy presents they’d gotten each other and a quick Merry Christmas. And a kiss on the cheek that Dean wouldn’t reciprocate.

“Was only a few years anyway,” Dean mutters because it’s not like he and Benny had known each other since kindergarten or something.

“Do you want to call him?” Cas’ voice doesn’t give a hint as to what he’s thinking and his scent is calm. Still, it can’t be a topic that’s easy for Cas.

“No,” Dean shakes his head. “It’s in the past. Besides, he wouldn’t want me to.”

Cas stops on the path. “At least text him then.”

“No, Cas, really, it’s okay. I’m sentimental today, is all.”

“Text him,” Cas insists.

“Cas, you don’t even like Benny!”

“A fact that doesn’t make a difference at all for the circumstances at hand.”

Cas manages to give the impression of not only metaphorically but literally digging his heels into the ground and Dean has a feeling that they won’t be moving anytime soon again if he doesn’t give in. “Why do you insist on this?”

“Because I know you. And this _is_ important to you.”

And yeah, Cas isn’t wrong. Still. Dean has left Benny behind with no intention of contacting him again. He doesn’t want to fuck it up for him with his mate. Nevertheless, he gets out his cell and stares at the screen. What does he even want to write? Benny has said to keep out of his life. Maybe Dean should be listening. Only, he’s been thinking about Benny ever since he met him again, and somehow he wants to tell him that. Not lead him on, simply tell him that he’s not forgotten.

In the end, Dean settles for something short.

_Me: Merry Christmas, man. Hope you’re good. Dean._

He thinks about adding a Hi for Andrea to it but then decides against it. He’s never been too proficient at the polite lies. And somehow he doubts that Andrea would appreciate it.

“There, sent. You happy?” Dean says while pushing his phone back into his pocket.

“Yes,” Cas says seriously.

“You’re weird, ” Dean shakes his head and smuggles his hand into Cas’. He wouldn’t usually. Not outside. But there’s been no one out today so far and he can let go if they meet someone.

“I don’t miss Michael. Not like you miss Benny,” Cas says and looks at their joined hands before he looks back up at Dean. “Not the Michael that I had to ban, anyway. He was different when father was still around. We all were, but he the most.” Cas pauses for a moment. His voice is pained when he continues. “I wish – I wish father could have met you. I wish he’d have had the chance to see that you can be pack-Alpha and still be happy. That you can have a mate and love them and they love you back. That it is possible to be the Alpha and still believe in equality. That you can change the world just enough to make yourself and your family fit. I don’t think he’s ever managed that.”

Dean squeezes Cas’ hand, not sure what to say, and opting for physical comfort instead. Cas squeezes back and starts walking again, though they keep their hands clasped.

“Have you ever tried to find him?” Dean asks after a while.

“Yes,” Cas nods. “In the beginning. When I didn’t want this responsibility. I thought it would be easiest to find him and bring him back. But it’s hard to find someone who doesn’t want to be found.”

“Are you angry with him?”

“I was,” Cas nods, “for the longest time. Leaving the pack to Michael was most irresponsible. Though I guess he couldn’t have known. How it would end.”

“Cas, that’s not – I meant, are _you_ angry with him. Personally. For leaving this task to you. For abandoning you.”

It takes longer before Cas answers this time. “Sometimes,” he admits. “But he wasn’t cut out to be pack-Alpha. He tried but he couldn’t make it work. I can. I am not perfect but I’m happy where he never was. So in the end, I guess it all came like it was supposed to.”

“Destiny?” Dean smiles and almost manages to make it sound not ironic.

“Or happenstance. It isn’t my place to judge. But our pack is happy, I have you and our daughter by my side. It is all I could ever wish for.”

“So you’re saying you believe in happenstance now? Lost your faith in Kansas City?”

“I didn’t lose my faith,” Cas scoffs.

“Then we should go to church tonight,” Dean challenges.

“Dean...”

“You know it’s the right thing to do,” Dean insists. “It’s expected of you. And you believe.”

“You don’t.”

“I don’t,” Dean admits. “But I hope and I wish. That’s almost like praying.”

“I’m not sure I agree. You can hope and wish for many things the church wouldn’t condone.”

“You can probably pray for those things, too,” Dean shrugs. “Just shouldn’t do it out loud.”

Cas huffs a laugh at that.

“But seriously, Cas, if it’s for my sake that you don’t want to go, let me assure you that I’ll be fine. I’ve met Pastor Jim before. He’s not an asshole.”

“You’ve met him?” Cas raises his eyebrows.

“It’s been a while. He knows Bobby.”

“Ah,” Cas nods like that clears things up. And it probably does. Means that Pastor Jim is part of the network, Dean guesses. Not that he’s ever asked.

“He treated me normal. Not like I was an abomination,” Dean shrugs. “Doubt that he’s going to start preaching obedience scripture at us on Christmas.”

“You’d really be okay with going?” Cas asks. “Even with the dinner and the party and you – feeling off?”

That catches Dean off guard, but then, “Well, if I - feel worse, I can always stay home. Wouldn’t want to aggravate things.” He grimaces. Not that he’d want to be out in public at all if this is indeed _that_. But it can’t be anyway. It’s been almost a day. And if anything he feels clearer-headed with every hour that passes by. “I think it’s nothing,” he says because it’s true and because it’s easier. Because if it is what he doesn’t believe it is, it’s not even the inconvenience that is the problem. It’s the other part. The part where they’ve talked at length about what they want to do after Dean pulled his little stunt at the funeral party in Kansas, and where they’ve decided to take their chances, but where none of them can convincingly deny still being scared. Because almost losing each other once was already too much.

Cas squeezes his hand tight and doesn’t let go all the way home.

 

They find Jessica in the kitchen, happily ordering around the caterers. “Oh, you’re back already! We’re not done here.”

“No worries,” Cas replies, “the others will still be a while. So, what do we have here?” He turns to the caterers.

Dean leaves them to it. Mary is waking up and she needs to be changed. Also, a few minutes break will be nice.

The nursery is still his refuge, the greens and browns soothing his nerves, today being no exemption.

Mary only makes a tiny bit of a fuss and happily crawls over to her box of toys once they’re done. She seems to be doing well on her own, cooing at her stuffed animals and having conversations with them in a language that only she understands, so Dean sits down in the rocking chair and lets her be.

Surrogates know, of course. That the pup they’re carrying is not theirs. That getting attached is not an option. He doubts that they even get to see the pup. And that’s probably for the better, seeing how he had never wanted to let go of his daughter again once he’d held her.

He can’t help but wonder how it’d be for Mary. Or how it’d been for Cas. Growing up in this house, having staff and siblings, but no parent to care. Being brought to bed by someone who’s being paid to tuck you in, not someone who loves you. It’s more than he had had, Dean guesses, seeing that he’s tucked himself in since he was four. Maybe pretend-love is still better than no love at all. But he’s hard-pressed to believe that it can make a kid happy.

All Dean can hope is that even though they’ve both missed out on the parental love, they won’t fuck up with their own child.

It’s Gabe who’s coming to get him an hour later. “We’re ready for dinner,” he says but instead of going back out or waiting for Dean to get up he closes the door and crashes into the armchair. “Did not remember skating to be this exhausting.”

“There were no half-grown pups around the last time you went skating, probably.”

“More like, I was the half-grown pup the last time I went skating,” Gabe chuckles.

“Yeah,” Dean says, “though I’m guessing the nanny was less fun than you and Bal are.”

Gabe snorts, “Like Naomi would go skating with us. Was Luci who took me mostly. Of course that was before.”

“Before Michael took over?”

“Before I presented,” Gabe sighs. “Good Omegas don’t make a spectacle of themselves.”

“Is that what skating is?”

“It’s what everything is that involves leaving the house, didn’t you know that? It’s all just an invitation for Alphas to do things to you.”

“Ah yes,” Dean says, “I almost forgot.”

“No worries, Dean-o, we’re private property these days.”

Dean groans. “Dude, my mood is too fucked up for this today.”

“Why? What’s up?” Gabe asks curiously. “Trouble in paradise?”

“It’s just – Cas wants to make Christmas good for me but he’s been upset about it himself. So we’re exhausting each other.”

“Cassie’s upset about Christmas?” Gabe asks. “Thought he’d gotten over that. I mean, he’s got you and all.”

Dean raises his eyebrows at him. “Not sure I’m following.”

“Well, you know Cassie, he’s always been a bit of a dreamer. Wants everything perfect. Wants Christmas to be all about the luuuuv. But all of this,” Gabe gestures vaguely towards the rest of the house, “reminds him of how things used to be. Of our family. Makes him tense.”

Dean sighs. “Anything I can do about it?”

Gabriel snorts. “Oh Dean-o, no worries, being your usual handsy self should work just fine.”

 

Dean’s got these words in mind when they finally make it to the kitchen after having changed into their Sunday best. Of course Dean’s dress shirt already has a few slobber stains on it where Mary decided she wanted to chew on his collar. It irritates him more than he wants to admit, especially seeing that everyone else is looking impeccable, even Bobby having dressed up for the occasion.

The group isn’t too big but it’s most everyone who is important in their town. There’s Bobby and Ellen of course, though Jo seems to have opted out of the event, knowing she was only invited because of her mother. Pamela as their doctor is there, too, and greets both Dean and Mary with a warm smile. Jody and Donna seem nervous, being invited as representatives for the police, but not having as much contact with the pack-Alpha and his household as most of the others. At least they’re both Betas, though Dean still makes sure to greet them politely and without approaching them too closely. This is a formal event after all.

Dean’s kind of glad that the headmaster of the school has declined their invitation. It’s a bit of a relief that this way Dean’s on friendly terms with all Alphas present. It’s always somewhat nerve-wrecking, figuring out the right balance with Alphas who have for pack matters submitted to Cas but who are, well, still Alphas. Besides, there’s something about the headmaster that Dean isn’t sure about. He isn’t unfriendly and he seems impartial to gender in his decisions, which counts as a huge plus in Dean’s view, seeing how often he’s been guilty by default just by being an Omega, but Dean wouldn’t want to get on the headmaster’s bad side, not even by accident. And Dean doubts he can hide behind Cas all evening and not talk to anyone to avoid the problem.

Speaking of Cas, Cas is nodding at something one of the caterers is telling him and then turning around. He claps his hands. “Please, everyone, find your seats. Dinner is ready.”

Their kitchen table has been turned into a long festive banquet and there is a strict seating order. Cas of course gets the head of the table, Dean to his right. Next come the other Alphas, Bal and Gabe to Cas’ left, Sam and Jess next to Dean. Since they didn’t think it would be a good idea to seat Anna next to Gabe, she got the place next to Jess and is scowling over that, that her rank as Cas’ sibling was not enough to secure her a spot closer to the head of the table.

Hannah has her expression under control better than Anna, but Dean can literally feel her scowl at the fact that she’s stuck at the back of the table with Charlie instead of sitting close to Cas as befits her status as Cas’ right hand. But as much as Cas has tried to make this traditional, he is adamant that Gabe has had to suffer enough at their family’s hands not to put him through anything else, including sitting next to the two Betas he can’t stand. So Cas has placed Ellen and Bobby next to his brother instead. The two of them seem to find the seating order somewhat uncomfortable, too, judging by the frown they’re sharing with each other, but Dean approves of it.

“Thank you to all of you for coming here tonight,” Cas addresses their guests. “You all are important to me and the pack in some way and I’m happy that you came to share this Christmas Eve dinner with me – with us,” he corrects himself with a fleeting smile towards Dean.

Cas is nervous, Dean notices with a start.

“It’s our pup’s first Christmas and we thought that a good opportunity to let old traditions come back to life, the one of thanking you all for the good work over the year not the least among them. Without you, this pack would not be what it is. Thank you.”

Dean smiles encouragingly at his mate when he doesn’t quite seem to know what to say next. But again, it doesn’t get him more reaction than a fleeting smile.

“The last two years have brought many changes,” Cas continues, “and while I believe they were for the better, I know that each and every one of you had their reservations about my course of action at one time or another. So today, I also want to thank you for standing by me even when you doubted me. I hope that I did not disappoint.”

Cas’ earth and forest scent is so full of stormy winter winds that Dean has to forcefully keep his hands by his side, the urge to reach out and soothe his mate is so strong. Mary of course picks up on the unease, too, and start fussing in her high chair.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Dean whispers and leans over to stroke her hair, though it doesn’t lessen her angry scowl.

“Umm, well, that’s all I wanted to say,” Cas peters off, having lost the last threads of his speech with the interruption. “You may serve the soup,” he says to the caterers.

There is a polite scattering of applause, though apparently no one really knows how to react to Cas’ speech, because everyone stays silent while the soup is being served.

“Please, eat,” Cas encourages when everyone has their soup in front of them.

Anna clears her throat uncomfortably. “Um, you’re not going to lead us in prayer, Cas?”

Cas’ eyes widen, a flash of panic running over his features before he can school them back into blankness, and Dean really regrets that Mary is seated between them because there is no way he can bridge the distance between them and calm Cas with a surreptitious touch to his knee this way.

“Umm, I don’t… I don’t really,” Cas answers, obviously lost.

“Cas?” Jess asks softly. “I know it’s not my place but may I say something?”

“Of course,” Cas already looks relieved.

“In my family, we do not all share the same beliefs. So we take a moment to pray silently instead of having our Alpha lead us in prayer. It always seemed like a good compromise to me.”

She leaves it at that, not trying to suggest to Cas what he should do, but he takes her up on it gratefully. “That is indeed a very good policy. We do have members of more than one denomination at the table, and I respect all of them. Follow me in a moment of silence, then.”

Everyone does, even though Dean is more focused on keeping Mary quiet who is not on board with this program than actually praying. When he sends a quick glance around the room, most of the others have their eyes low and their hands folded. Not Gabriel, of course, and somewhat to his surprise not Jessica, either. Gabe is nodding at her gratefully and she’s smiling back at him.

“Amen,” Cas says loudly and everyone looks back up.

This time, there is no hesitation and everyone starts eating. They are still quiet, though, the room uncomfortable.

Hence, it isn’t exactly unexpected when three spoons into his soup, Mary starts full-out crying and Dean has to go back to calming her down.

“Hey, hey, little Princess, what’s up? You were good a minute ago,” he tries to soothe her.

“Maybe she takes after you and doesn’t like group gatherings,” Cas says and Dean doesn’t know how to take it.

It feels like a reprimand of sorts. One that Dean is pretty sure he doesn’t deserve. Not when he can smell the tension in Cas’ scent even over the soup and the fresh greens they’ve decorated the room with.

Consequently, Dean’s answer is terse. “I can take her to bed early. That way she won’t be any trouble here.”

He’s already got her out of her high chair and is half out of his own chair when Cas catches his sleeve. “Dean!”

And, oh yeah, given the current company Dean guesses he should be waiting for Cas to give him permission to go. “By your leave?” he asks and tries to keep his voice smooth no matter how much this is grating on him.

He sinks back down, bouncing Mary a bit to keep her calm, and waits for Cas to continue. But there’s nothing following. Great. And of course all eyes are on them already. Dean mumbles, “Cas, please, you gotta tell me what you want me to do.”

For a second, Cas looks flustered. Then he stretches his arms out. “Just give her to me so you can eat in peace.”

Dean wants to point out that it is not a good idea. That it is expected of Cas to entertain his guests, not his daughter. But a discussion with his mate is not happening right this second, either. So Dean hands Mary over. She is happy enough bouncing on Cas’ knee and taking in the new perspective, from which she can see everyone.

Dean actually manages to eat most of his soup before her face scrunches back up, the newness of the perspective giving way to the fact that her daddy is still tense, noticeable in both his scent and the fact that the polite conversation he’s trying to make with everyone is more than stilted.

Dean watches it with a furrowed brow. Then Gabe catches his eye.

Gabe nods not too subtly towards Cas. “Do something about this.”

Or at least that is what Dean thinks Gabe said. Dean’s not great at lip reading and Gabe didn’t actually say it out loud.

Dean shrugs helplessly. Cas is already holding his daughter, if that doesn’t give him a measure of comfort, Dean pretty much has no handhold to do anything else.

But Gabe pointedly nods in Cas’ direction again.

Dean frowns, but yeah, he can see it, too, how this evening is not going to be in favorable memory of anyone if Cas doesn’t manage to calm the fuck down and be himself instead of whoever he thinks he has to be for this occasion.

So finally Dean sighs and gives in. He waits for a lull in the conversation between Cas and Bobby, and asks, “Cas? Can I talk to you for a second? Please?”

Cas tenses even more, eyes darting around the table.

“Please, Cas,” Dean repeats, voice as soft and pleading as he can make it. It’s a tone that’s calling to the protector side in his Alpha, hopefully over-riding his trained societal behavior with instinct. Dean’s reasonably sure that he’s doing their guests a favor here, so they can totally deal with being on their own between the soup and the main course.

It takes a long moment, in which Dean lowers his eyes just to look up through his lashes at Cas, laying it on even thicker, but then there’s a heavy swallow and Cas nods, “Of course, Dean.” He gets up and adds towards the group, “Excuse us for a second, please. We’ll be right back.”

Before he can actually go, Dean takes Mary from Cas’ arm and hands her to Gabe. He mumbles a “Sorry” first at Cas and then at Sam, who also already had his arms outstretched to take her. But Mary is much more used to Gabriel, and Dean doesn’t want to risk her starting to cry.

Cas is unhappy about having his daughter snatched away from him, Dean can tell, but instead of commenting, Cas leads the way out of the room, leaving a slightly stunned group of guests behind.

Cas stops as soon as the door is closed and looks at Dean questioningly, the marsh waters of worry thick in his scent. Dean ignores that and takes Cas’ hand instead to drag him the few steps into the living room, where they’ll at least not be stumbled upon should one of their guests get up for a bathroom break.

Once there, he unceremoniously wraps his arms around Cas and draws him in tight.

He can feel the initial resistance, Cas going taut under the unexpected embrace. But then his body gives in, goes slack and melts into Dean’s arms, his nose nuzzling into Dean’s neck.

“Yeah, that’s it. That’s better,” Dean mumbles and tries to bring Cas even closer, though there’s already zero space between them.

Cas is clinging tightly and Dean isn’t sure whether they’re going to ever make it back into the other room if he just lets this go on.

“Hey, look at me, Cas,” Dean prompts, but actually has to cup Cas’ jaw and softly push at his face for Cas to let go enough that he can look up. “You’re not Michael or your father. They chose to be alone. You didn’t. There’s no need to try and take this on on your own.” Dean plants a kiss on Cas’ mouth. “It’s okay being yourself, Cas. And it’s okay being us.”

It’s not like their guests don’t know them, after all. Admittedly, some know them better than others, and Dean’s going to always make sure that he doesn’t make Cas look like he can’t control his own household. But, “They don’t expect you to be anyone but who you are, Cas. Just like they don’t expect me to suddenly turn into Adam.”

As usual, he shudders at the mention of the name, and Cas holds him tighter. Dean’s neglected to pray before, but now he sends a few short words up towards Heaven, asking whoever might be listening to watch over Adam and keep him safe.

“I love you, Dean,” Cas mumbles against his shoulders and brings Dean back to the present.

“I love you, too,” Dean answers and presses a kiss over the mating bite on Cas’ neck.

“Stay with me forever?”

Dean chuckles, “Think I’ve already said yes to that, little Alpha.”

 

Cas doesn’t let go of Dean’s hand when they walk back in, and the first thing he does after apologizing for the inconvenience is to ask the caterers to reset the table settings, so that he’s not at the head of the table anymore but sits beside Dean.

It gets them some looks. Their family nods more or less understanding, and Dean doesn’t think their household is too surprised, either, but Bobby gives them a calculating stare that has him fidgeting. The fact that Ellen lays a hand on Bobby’s arm and whispers something in his ear that Bobby nods to, doesn’t make it better, either.

Dean kind of hopes that they assume it’s for his benefit. That Dean didn’t feel comfortable and asked Cas to change the seating arrangement in order to get physical comfort through the proximity of his mate. That they don’t think too much about whether that comfort goes both ways, or how uncomfortable Cas really was, having forced himself into the position of his predecessors. It’s got nothing to do with his qualities as pack-Alpha and Dean doesn’t want anyone to get the wrong impression.

In an attempt to make up for it, Dean decides to stay quiet. To keep a hand on Cas’ knee under the table where no one will notice, and follow the conversation without taking part unless he is directly addressed. He notices Gabe’s eyes on him and shrugs at his friend. Cas is a lot more at ease now than he was before, joking with Bal and Jess, and the atmosphere at the table starts to relax. If the price for that is Dean being quiet, he’ll pay it gratefully. Gabe nods at him in acknowledgement and surprisingly seems to decide that he’s going to support this course of action by keeping his focus on his plate instead of making his usual dirty jokes.

For a while, it seems to work nicely, conversations springing up around the table, dividing a part of the attention away from them, and indicating that the Betas feel comfortable enough to chat about their own topics instead of waiting for Cas’ lead.

Dean smiles at that and tries to feed Mary a few pieces of potato.

It’s probably because he’s so focused on his daughter, that he doesn’t notice that something is amiss until it’s too late. Anna has started a lively discussion with Pamela about the merits of gender-specific psych healthcare, when Balthazar lets his fork clatter onto the plate. “This doesn’t work for me.”

The conversations immediately die down.

“I am sorry, Castiel, I really am. I understand that this is a formal dinner. That there are certain standards to uphold. But I can’t take my mate being this silent. I feel like I’m hurting him by just taking part in the conversation.” He turns to Gabe, “Gabriel, darling, do you want to go home?”

For a moment, the silence around the table is deafening. Everyone is tensing up, waiting not so much for Gabriel’s response as for Cas’. Actually, Cas seems to be the only one who is _not_ tensing. Gabe, who’d been stunned for a moment, looks away from his mate and towards his brother, and then the two of them lock eyes and Dean can’t decipher the conversation that is going on between them, but suddenly Gabe has a smile on his face, and he shakes his head before turning back to his mate, “Thanks, my love, but that isn’t necessary. I appreciate how much you care, though.”

Bal, who’d half gotten out of his seat, lowers himself back down. “Want to tell me what’s wrong then?” It still sounds like half a growl.

“Nothing’s wrong. We’re trying to behave, Dean and I. I know you’re not used to it. But, you know, it’s a special occasion.” He looks like he wants to add more but bites it back and instead gathers his hands in his lap. Dean’s got to give it to him, Gabe can do the demure routine when he sets his mind to it.

“Thank you, Gabriel,” Cas answers. “You, too, Dean. But you don’t actually need to. You’re both doing important work in our pack, work where it is important that your voices be heard. I don’t see why you should have to stay silent at home. Plus, and let me quote this, brother, I’m the ‘quiet and shy one of the bunch’. I need you to be loud and make up for my lack.”

He says it with a smile, inviting everyone to share the joke, but Hannah huffs scandalized and Bobby almost chokes on his drink at Cas’ self-description. Ellen, much more used to them and hence much more stoic, pats his back until he stops coughing.

Gabriel on the other hand rolls his eyes fondly. “You gave us a home, Cassie. Least I can do is try not to embarrass you.”

Dean snorts an involuntary laugh, remembering Kansas City and his own attempt not to embarrass Cas that ended in him and Cas being draped all over each other on a pool table. “Yeah, you all don’t want to know what happened after I said those words the last time.”

Cas immediately remembers and snorts, too. “I seem to recall that we had a good time.”

“Yeah, I believe that,” Dean agrees. “I mean, I was the one who had to twist away from everyone who tried to fondle me on the way out.”

“I’d have protected your honor had anyone come too close,” Cas counters.

“Yeah, you better,” Dean chuckles and without thinking about it leans in to give Cas a kiss.

And just like that, they are themselves again.

They start telling stories of Kansas City, some of which – like Sam’s altercation with the priest – the others already know, some of which – playing pool at the Shrimp and Net – they’ve so far not told anyone.

Between Cas’ dry way of telling things and Dean’s sarcastic remarks, they have the table in stitches in no time, everyone rolling their eyes at their antics, but no one questioning the validity of their dynamics.

Dean excuses himself before dessert because Mary’s fallen asleep on his lap sometime during the main course. He sings quietly to her on the way to the nursery so that the transition from the lively room to the quiet of her bed won’t be too harsh. She doesn’t wake up, not even when he puts her to bed. It’s a nice change. But then, she had her hour of being annoying at the table and it’s past her usual bedtime.

“Good night, sweetheart,” he kisses her on the forehead, turns on the nightlight, grabs the baby-phone and taps to the door on soft feet. He can’t resist turning around and watching her sleep for a while. Her first Christmas. It makes him sentimental already.

Out of habit, he checks his cellphone on his way back to the kitchen, though pretty much everyone who might call him is here anyway. The phone is blinking with a new message, though. It’s a text.

_Benny: Merry Christmas to you, too, brother._

There is a picture attached to it. It’s grainy and black and white and if Dean hadn’t seen an ultrasound image before, he’d have no idea what it is.

_Me: Congratulations, man. You deserve to be happy._

Dean’s still got a smile on his face when he comes back to the kitchen, and without hesitation snuggles up close to his mate. He refuses Charlie’s offer of eggnog with a mention that he’s not completely well, even though he feels better now. The tightening of Cas’ arm around his waist would almost be unnoticeable but for the fact that he’s been expecting it and totally notices.

After dessert, the conversation turns to church, and it turns out that only a part of their group wants to go. Bal and Gabe want to go by the dorms beforehand, check on their students. Anna and Hannah want come with them, Bobby wants to go home, Ellen and Jo will go but will go independently from the Novak household.

Dean presses the baby phone into Sam’s hand when it becomes clear that Sam and Jess want to stay, and Sam beams with pride. Not that Dean actually expects Mary to wake up. She’s been good about sleeping at least six hours per night lately.

They decide to walk, because apparently it’s a Novak tradition to walk to church from the manor, so they bundle up tightly against the cold again, before finding their way out into the snow.

 

The hushed mumbling echoing around the cross-vault gives Dean immediate shivers. He doesn’t have enough memories of churches for there to be fear attached to it that is based in reality. But the big stone structure, packed with humans yet still too big for it to get warm in winter, seems to be designed to make him want to shrink into the back corner. Which of course, if this was still a Unified Alpha Church, he would be doing. His mate would deliver him to the Omega enclosure before taking his own place up front.

As it is, there is no Omega enclosure anymore, though it’s still visible where the wooden divider has been ripped out of the floor. It is also visible, because in this corner, furthest away from the altar, where the view is almost completely obstructed, there are no Betas crowding the pews like in the main body of the church. There are just a dozen or so Omegas huddled up in their coats to fend off the cold.

Dean’s so focused on them that he almost runs into Cas when Cas stops next to the front pew. The first two rows are empty. Rightfully, they’re the pack-Alpha’s place, only to be shared with his household and whoever he allows to sit next to him. But he makes no move to take the spot. Another moment of indecision, then he turns around. “You’re welcome to stay here,” he whispers at Anna and Hannah, and then starts walking again.

Dean knows what Cas is doing before they’ve even crossed half of the church. Of course he knows. His social justice mate is predictable that way.

Talks are being abandoned left and right as they walk down the aisle towards the back, heads turning and eyes following them. Anna and Hannah are still behind them, though their scents have turned confused.

They pass Ellen and Jo, and Cas mumbles a friendly “Merry Christmas” in their direction. Ellen apparently has an idea what Cas is doing, too, because her scent is resigned where her daughter’s joins the general confusion.

Cas doesn’t even choose the first row of the Omega enclosure. He leads them somewhere towards the middle, ignoring the way the Omegas seated there tense up and turn a shade paler, their scents wavering between _this isn’t happening_ and _please don’t hurt me_.

Cas makes sure that the pew they’re choosing is unoccupied. He whispers another friendly round of “Merry Christmas” left and right, his own peaceful earth and roots seeming to help at least a little in calming everyone’s shock, and finally sits down.

Dean sits next to him, Anna and Hannah following, their scents now also resigned instead of confused. They’re not happy about this. But they’re following Cas’ lead and Dean guesses that’s what counts.

Dean gets his cellphone out and texts the two words _Omega enclosure_ to Gabe so that they’ll find them when they arrive.

“They don’t have to,” Cas whispers when he sees Dean send the message.

“Pretty sure they know that,” Dean chuckles. “Also pretty sure they’re going to follow you come hell or high water.”

Cas doesn’t answer but silently takes off his glove and offers his hand to Dean. Inappropriate, of course, physical contact in church, but Cas’ scent is telling sunshine stories of love and hope for change, started by small gestures like this. So Dean slips his hand into his mate’s.

The scents of the Omegas around them start to change, too, the initial fear morphing into something that Dean would call astonishment. These are the most conservative Omegas in the pack, from the strictest households. The only ones whose mates still insist on Unified Alpha rules, even when the church itself has abandoned the old laws. None of the Omegas has looked up when Cas wished them Merry Christmas, let alone answered. But now they’re relaxing enough that Dean can feel one or the other curious look on them.

These are the ones that they never reach. That have never come close enough to talk to them. The ones of whom Dean doesn’t know whether they would even be allowed to talk to them.

Dean gives Cas a kiss on the cheek, then. Also inappropriate. Still a respectful gesture, though, minding Cas’ authority even while it shows that not all initiative need come from the Alpha.

Cas smiles and draws him closer.

Then Gabe and Bal have found them and are noisily sliding into the bench behind them. Well, noisily on Gabe’s part. He leans forward and whispers not too furtively: “Thought for a minute there that Cassie had lost his mind when I got your message, Dean. You could have said that you were _all_ sitting here.”

“Gabriel, lower your voice, please,” Balthazar mutters.

Gabe rolls his eyes but makes a gesture like zipping his lips shut.

Cas turns halfway around to them. “Are your pupils alright?”

“Yes. They’re tuckered out from the day. It seems to be safe to leave them alone for an evening as long as you chase them around on skates for the whole afternoon,” Bal smiles.

“Good,” Cas nods.

Then the organ starts playing and they all turn towards the front.

Apparently, Pastor Jim has either spotted them coming in, or someone told him they are here, because even though it’s effectively impossible for him to see them where they’re sitting, he’s extending a greeting to the pack-Alpha after the first song has ended.

Cas nods, unsurprised, until Pastor Jim says, “On this holy day, when we celebrate the birth of our Savior, let us remember what it says about the church in 1 Corinthians 12: Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with the church. For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body – whether Alphas or Omegas. The eye cannot say to the hand, ‘I don't need you!’ And the head cannot say to the feet, ‘I don't need you!’ God has put the body together, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.”

Pastor Jim has made his way all the way to the back towards the former Omega enclosure while his voice is booming through the church, the microphone that he has in front obviously not needed. Now he comes to a halt in front of them. He smiles, trying to meet everyone’s eye if they’re looking up at him.

“And thus I invite you – all of you – to the front. Rejoice with me on this Christmas Eve in a place where you can clearly see and hear, and where you can be seen and your voices can be heard.”

There is a quickly swelling murmur going through the congregation, but Pastor Jim winks at Cas, and the minute that Cas tugs at Dean’s hand and gets up, Pastor Jim starts herding everyone who’s still unconvinced towards the front. “Come, Martha, come with me, please. You, too, Matthew, you are welcome in front.”

So it comes that they’re leading a small procession of dazed Omegas to the front pews to take the space that was originally designated for the Alpha’s household.

“Planned?” Dean asks quietly once they’re seated again.

“No,” Cas smiles, “but brilliant.”

The rest of the service holds no surprises of this magnitude, though it is nice that Pastor Jim keeps making the effort to include everyone in his prayers and sermon. Dean thinks that, yeah, he’d have no problem with Pastor Jim baptizing their daughter.

 

“A service that people will talk about for months, I’m sure,” Cas says when he shakes Pastor Jim’s hand outside of the church after mass is over.

“The empty pews in front have been bugging me for years,” Pastor Jim answers. “Thank you for offering me an opportunity and also for going along with it.”

“It was quite enjoyable,” Cas smiles. “Please, keep inviting every Omega in the back to the rows in front. They have a standing invitation from me.”

“I’m not sure they will follow as easily as they did today with you in their midst but I will try,” Pastor Jim nods. He smiles wryly, “Of course you are also welcome back anytime.”

Cas laughs, “I appreciate your candor, Pastor, just as I appreciate your take on scripture. I’m sure you’re aware why my faith has a long time ago turned into something private. I feel very much like keeping it that way. But if you need more resources for your church, please don’t hesitate to contact either me or Ellen Harvelle and make your wishes known.”

It’s a gentle letdown, and the Pastor accepts it as such. “I will. Until then, Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas to you, too, Dean.”

He holds out his hand and Dean takes it. “Merry Christmas, Pastor Jim.”

Cas leads them away after that to rejoin their family that has been waiting for them.

“An unexpected ally,” Cas says with a smile.

Hannah chuckles quietly at that and Cas raises his eyebrows at her.

“Excuse me, Cas, but it would not come quite as unexpectedly if you went to church more often.”

Cas looks at Hannah intently for a moment, then he grins. “You like him. He’s reformed and you like him.”

Hannah’s lips press together into a tight line. “His sermons are inspiring. I can appreciate that.”

Cas’ smile gets even wider when he lays a hand on Hannah’s shoulder. “It was not a criticism, Hannah. I’m glad that your faith isn’t suffering due to my decisions.”

Hannah nods briskly, but then she sighs and admits, “I would not want to go back to Unified Alpha. This is – more human, yet at the same time it also seems closer to the divine.” She says it grudgingly, like she can’t understand how that happened.

“I’m glad,” Cas repeats and sounds like he means it.

 

“You’re unnaturally happy,” Dean remarks when Cas is not grumping about having to get up the next morning, and instead is still smiling like a Cheshire cat and even humming under his breath while getting dressed.

“We got woken up by the alarm, not by Mary, it is Christmas Day, and Hannah doesn’t want to go back to Unified Alpha. There is hope for the world,” Cas replies.

Dean shakes his head. “You’re one weird Alpha,” he says fondly.

“Noted,” Cas nods, “and now get up! There’s presents and guests and stuff!”

“I _am_ up,” Dean grouses but obediently rolls out of bed to get dressed. “Also, it’s way too early for presents and guests. It’s barely even light out.”

“Don’t be a Grinch,” Cas chides. But then his voice softens. “Go make yourself some coffee, that’ll brighten your mood. I’ll look after Mary.”

Dean doesn’t have time to react before his mate is out of the door. Weird, very weird. They both grump in the mornings usually.

As it is, Dean pads towards the kitchen because yep, coffee is always good. The house is quiet still, no wonder after the late night yesterday. The party is not set to start before 11, either. They knew why they set the schedule the way they did.

He slinks into the kitchen, surprised when there is movement. Sam. Preparing a sandwich and moving decidedly awkwardly when he has to walk from the fridge to the kitchen counter and back. One might say, limping.

Dean goes a few steps closer, his brother too absorbed in his task to even notice. He sniffs the air. Yuck. Sex smells. And his brother is limping. Oh dear. That’s more information than Dean wanted to have.

“Morning,” he grumbles and makes his way over to the coffee maker, only catching his brother’s reaction out of the corner of his eye. The half foot jump in the air is hard to miss, though. “Long night?” Dean asks innocently.

There is a pause before his brother answers tightly, “In case you don’t remember, we were in bed by the time you came home.”

“Uh-huh,” Dean smirks. “you were _in bed_. Not the same thing as sleeping. I was gonna make some coffee. Want some?”

“Yes, please,” Sam sighs.

“Alright. Sit down and I’ll make us a cup.”

That produces another visible flinch. The thought of sitting down, Dean guesses and can barely keep his mirth in, especially when Sam can’t stop the slight wince when actually sitting.

Because Dean’s an ass but not that much of an ass, especially not on Christmas, he locates a couple of pain killers in one of the kitchen drawers. He fills a glass of water and puts it down in front of Sam. “I’m guessing it’s too late for the ‘the bees and the bees’ talk, but y’all know about lube and prepping and everything, right?”

“Dean!” Sam exclaims mortified. He swallows the pain killers without complaint, though.

“Hey,” Dean holds his hands up in defense, “just looking out for my little brother. Your biology isn’t made to take a knot the same way mine is. And I’d rather not have to drive you to the hospital on Christmas because my sister-in-law had a midnight craving to pound you into next Wednesday.”

Sam lets his forehead drop to the table, folding both his arms over his head to block Dean out. “Shut up, Dean.”

Dean pats his brother on the back in mock commiseration. “It wasn’t her idea, huh? You wanted it? I don’t blame you, man. Who if not your Omega brother would understand that sometimes you just want to be split open and get fucked into oblivion.”

Sam’s only reaction is to flip Dean off. He doesn’t even raise his head off the table for it, either.

Dean chuckles. “Well, I didn’t expect getting up early would be quite so amusing. Should thank Cas for waking me up.”

“Jerk,” Sam mumbles.

“You sure you want me to reply to that one right now?” Dean laughs while filling coffee into two cups for them. “Here,” he sets the cup down and sits next to his brother.

The smell of fresh coffee is enough that Sam raises his head from the table. He swallows a few gulps of the hot liquid before his eyes dart to Dean. “Do you and Cas ever – switch it up?”

Dean raises his eyebrows at that. He didn’t actually expect his brother to stay with the topic. But then he shrugs. “Nah, not really. We’re enthusiastic but not really all that kinky. Doesn’t mean I don’t get to take the lead every so often.”

“So you’ve never…?”

“Dude,” Dean rolls his eyes but volunteers the information anyway. “I’ve been with Beta girls, okay?”

“Do you ever, uhh, miss it?”

“Jesus, Sam.” Dean runs a hand through his hair. “You sure you want to talk about our sex lives?”

“Sorry, it’s just that I’ve never really thought about all of this before Jess. Seemed to be pretty straight-forward until then. But now… Biology isn’t all that determines our preferences, you know?”

Dean can guess where this is coming from, so he socks his brother in the shoulder and says, “So you enjoy being on the receiving end. Big deal. Is no one’s business but yours what you like, okay? Don’t let anyone tell you it’s wrong.”

“Thanks, Dean,” Sam says quietly. “Means a lot. Cause it doesn’t always feel like it. Not even in Cali.”

“So it’s bad?” Dean asks carefully because he doesn’t think they’re talking about sex anymore. “You getting hate because of you and Jess?”

“Well, it’s not as aggressive as it would be in Kansas. But it’s noticeable. That there’s people who look down on us. Even people we counted as friends. And there’s shitty remarks from strangers on the street, and stuff like that.”

“Sorry.”

Sam shakes his head. “It wouldn’t even be so bad if it was just that, or just me. But Jess has always been actively involved in the civil rights movement. Which is awesome and the right thing to do and everything, it’s just that it scares the hell out of me. Because she puts herself out there at the protests and she’s pregnant, man! I have no idea how to protect her.”

There’s a desperation in Sam’s voice that Dean hasn’t heard before. “You gotta tell her, man. That your Alpha-side is killing you about this. She needs to dial it down for a few months.”

“What? Are you crazy? No! She’ll never listen to me. All she’ll do is bitch me out.”

“Dude,” Dean shakes his head, “I’m not an expert in Alpha/Alpha relationships. But I _am_ married to an Alpha. And when he sounds like you do right now, I need to know what’s going on so that I can help.”

“But it’s _my_ problem.”

Dean rolls his eyes. Stubborn fuckers, all of them. “Never thought I’d be the one who’d have to tell you that, but a relationship consists of two people, Sammy. You gotta work it out together. Only way you’re going to get through this.”

“He’s right,” Cas says from the doorway. He comes in, Mary on his arm. “I only heard the last part but you shouldn’t be going through your ‘Alpha crap’ on your own.” The quotation marks are audible.

“Hear, hear,” Dean chuckles.

“I’m not saying I haven’t made the same mistake before and not shared with you what was going on,” Cas says and drops Mary off in Dean’s arms to get her her baby mush for breakfast. “But it’s not a mistake that I want to repeat.” He gives Dean a kiss on the head. He falters for a second after the gesture, before moving on to find the mush and a spoon. It’s not enough for Sam to notice, Dean is sure, but Dean did.

So he looks at Cas expectantly when Cas comes back to hand him Mary’s food.

There is a fleeting trace of something in Cas’ scent – fear? – but then he’s got himself under control again and smiles at Dean. “You’re feeling better.”

It’s not a question. “Yeah,” Dean nods, “fever seems to be gone.”

“I’m glad,” Cas says, and it’s the truth, Dean knows it, but there’s also something else that he can’t quite decipher and that gives him a weird feeling in his stomach.

Even Mary seems to be affected because she looks up at him with big eyes instead of making a grab for her food like she usually would.

“It’s fine, Sunshine, your Daddies are just being big old saps, nothing to be worried about,” Dean mumbles but he sends another worried glance to Cas before deciding not to think about it.

 

Bobby, Ellen and Jo are the first to arrive. They’re followed almost immediately by Bal and Gabe and their wards.

“Gimme, gimme, gimme,” are the first words out of Gabe’s mouth, so Dean hands off Mary to him, while Cas and Dean strategically place themselves in the front hall to be able to welcome all of their guests.

Lisa Braeden and her son are next. Ben says a quick Hi to Dean, throwing his arms around him in a hug before breaking away to run off and play with the other pups. Lisa is wearing a bright smile. She also hugs Dean.

“You’ve changed so much for the kids. Thank you,” she whispers in his ear before straightening away and adding loudly, “I’ve brought cookies.”

Dean, as usual when someone gives him a compliment, is at a loss for words but Cas helps him out. “If you bring the cookies to the kitchen, Hannah or Meg will put them on plates and bring them to the living room.”

“Of course,” Lisa smiles.

After that, the guests arrive in quick succession. And this is definitely their pack, because where at his Dad’s funeral, Dean might as well have been a piece of furniture for all the mind anyone paid him, people are approaching him now to wish him Merry Christmas. Depending on status and how well they know each other, they do it verbally or with a handshake or a very few with a hug, but not a single one fails to approach him after they’ve said their hellos to Cas.

When the stream of visitors finally slows down to a trickle they join their guests in the living room. Dean stops at the door for a second to take in the view in front of him. The Christmas tree is sparkling, the Christmas lights give the room a warm glow. The voices and scents mix into a colorful carpet of happiness. Dean’s not a fan of big groups, and even he can’t help but smile at the joyful display.

Cas turns around to him when he notices that Dean has stopped, “You good?”

“Yes,” he nods.

They make their way through the room, Cas chatting lightly with everyone they pass. Dean looks for Mary and finds her on the floor with Gabe. She seems perfectly happy hitting a couple of her toy blocks against each other while Gabe cheers her on.

When they’ve made it to the front to the Christmas tree, Cas turns around and claps his hands to get everyone’s attention. The room falls silent. “I won’t take much of your time,” Cas smiles. “I just want to quickly say that Dean and I thank you very much for coming and celebrating our daughter’s first Christmas together with us! There’s food and drinks in the kitchen, and there should be at least one present for each pup under the Christmas tree. The plundering of which is now officially allowed. Go and get your loot!”

The children are whooping and hollering then and are storming the tree, and Cas and Dean have to see that they get out of the way fast. They do so, laughing and a bit breathless, and Cas uses the opportunity and hauls Dean in for a kiss. There is more whooping then, this time from the grown-ups, the loudest of course as always their friends and family.

There’s presents for all of them under the tree, too, so they cluster around and try to find their own names. Dean and Cas have their usual deal about no presents for each other, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t a stack of packages for them as well, though most of them are addressed to ‘The Novak Family’ as a whole. They carry them over to where Bal and Gabe are sitting on the floor with Mary and plonk down next to them.

The biggest of the presents comes from the Miltons, of course, and turns out to be an enormous plush teddy bear for Mary. She sees it, squeals happily, tugs at its paws and it immediately falls over on top of her. Which to everyone’s surprise just makes her giggle even more while she’s hugging the teddy bear from underneath its huge plush nose. It actually takes a moment to get her to let go and turn both teddy and child upright again.

There are several more toys for Mary from various sources, including a to-scale model of an Impala that has a card from Singer’s Garage. There’s the complete remastered Bluray version of Lord of the Rings from Charlie – a present which Dean has to immediately fight his brother for. There’s also a package for Dean that obviously came via mail. Dean smiles when he sees the sender: Kevin Tran. He’s also sent Kevin a gift, The Princess Bride, because the kid’s too young to know it. He gets rewarded back with the soundtrack of “Hamilton”. Because Kevin apparently can’t turn off the commitment to social causes. Not that Dean wants him to. The world needs Kevin Tran.

Then finally there’s not much left. They are in effect done with all presents that were under the tree. Which does not mean they’re through with the gifts, though.

Dean reaches into his breast pocket, where an envelope has been sitting all morning and holds it out to Cas.

“Dean?”

“Sorry, Cas, I fear I’ll have to apologize for lying to you. I got you something. Or rather, us,” Dean smiles and adopts a coy pose to take the sting out of the _I lied to you_.

Cas takes the envelope, but doesn’t open it, just looks back at Dean.

“Hey, it doesn’t bite. I promise.”

Cas looks at Dean for another heartbeat, then opens the envelope and takes out the papers inside. Dean watches him read through the documents. He’s actually a bit nervous about Cas’ reaction.

“Gabe’s already volunteered to watch Mary. So it’ll be just the two of us,” Dean says quietly.

A trip to Savannah and Tybee Island. A city that’s known for its liberal arts college and relaxed stance on gender roles, and an island with long beaches to take walks on and cuddle up together to watch the sunset.

“Merry Christmas, Cas.”

“Dean,” Cas’ face is unreadable.

Dean bites his lips, suddenly unsure. “Umm, I hope that’s not you telling me that a pack-Alpha can’t take a week of vacation. Cause I’m kind of looking forward to having you all to myself for a few days.”

“No, no, that’s not it,” Cas shakes his head.

“Is it Mary? Do you want to take her? We can of course, we don’t need to leave her behind.”

“Dean!”

So Dean shuts up.

“Thank you for giving me this,” Cas says and gives Dean a kiss. “I’d love to spend a few days alone with you. I’ll try to be less grumpy than last time, too.”

Dean chuckles and kisses Cas back. “This is going to be nothing like Kansas City. This is going to be much more fun, you’ll see.”

The kiss gets a little bit out of hand after that, and it’s only when someone clears their throat that they reluctantly break apart.

Turns out, it was Sam who cleared his throat. He looks a little sheepish and holds another package out to Dean. “Actually, we’ve got one more present for you, too. It’s from all of us. Like Jess and me and Cas and Gabe and a few others, too.”

Dean takes the present with a frown. It’s heavy. A book? But when he opens it, things get cleared up quickly. It’s a photo album. And oh yes, Sam had said the photos were going to be a present. He smiles up at his brother where he’s sitting on the couch.

On the first page, there are head shots of Cas and Mary, Sam and Jess, and Balthazar and Gabriel. Underneath it says: _To Dean, from your family._

He’s already tearing up then. And it doesn’t get better as he slowly turns the pages. There’s him as a baby, his Mom holding him tight. There’s a picture of the two of them watching his Dad decorate the Christmas tree. Then there’s one where his Mom is already pregnant with Sam, Dean laying his head on her belly and apparently listening intently. He doesn’t remember the moment, but he traces the outline of his Mom’s face tenderly even while tears start blurring his view.

Cas’ arm is around him in an instant, hugging him close and holding him up.

Dean leans into it gratefully. “That’s my Mom,” he whispers because he’s never had the chance to show her to Cas before. And he guesses Cas has figured that much out already, but still.

“She’s beautiful. And I can see how much she loves you,” Cas whispers back and places a kiss on Dean’s neck.

Of course that makes Dean’s vision blur even more and he has to hide his face in Cas’ neck for a moment to compose himself because he knows what comes next. And indeed, when he turns the page, there is only one photo there. He’s standing next to his Mom, one hand on the tiny bundle that’s on her lap. Sammy can’t be more than a few weeks old. The page beside the photo is empty apart from one sentence in the middle. _We miss you, Mom,_ written in Sam’s loopy handwriting.

It provokes another round of tears, of course it does, and now Sam joins them where they’re sitting on the floor, huddling close to Dean from the other side, distinct scent of tears on him, too. It’s a good thing that Gabriel still has Mary because she’s noticing the saltwater smell over the rest of the room now and starts fidgeting until Gabe picks her up and holds her close to himself, drowning out the other scents.

Dean takes a deep breath and turns to the next page. There is a time jump, they’re already in the city. Sam is a lanky not-quite-teenager, final growth spurt a few years away. Dean himself looks - complicated. It’s the only word he has to describe it. It’s a Christmas picture again, though there is no tree now, just a few candles and what looks like an almost decent meal that he probably mostly cooked by himself. Sam is smiling, though it’s not the wide smile he uses now. Dean on the other hand - his shoulders are hunched, his hands knotted together in an imitation of being obedient, his head is lowered, yet he’s positively glaring from under his lashes. He didn’t remember that it was this visible how defiant he was.

“I ever look at you like this, you know you did something wrong, Cas,” he jokes and is grateful that his voice only cracks a little.

“I’d be scared to death if you ever looked at me like this,” Cas replies.

Dean huffs, “Right.”

“And would be begging your forgiveness.” Cas shudders. “I hope it never happens.”

“As if you’d ever do something that warrants this look,” Dean nudges him. Though to tell the truth, Dean doubts he would be able to look at Cas like this at all. His urge to be good for Cas is too strong.

The next few pictures aren’t any better. Sam has taken care to use as few pictures with their Dad in them as possible, but Dean is tense and hunched in each and every of the images, whether they’re from school or taken at home. Until he turns another page that is.

The picture is glowing in the soft gold of late Kansas summer. Dean isn’t looking at the camera. In fact, his back is to the photographer. He’s sitting cross-legged on a wooden pier, holding a fishing rod. There is a matching picture on the opposite side, only now Dean isn’t holding the rod anymore, he’s lying on his back on the pier, arms folded under his head. There is a purple bruise healing on the side of his face, but he’s relaxed and has his eyes closed. A slight smile is curving his mouth.

“I never knew he took these,” Dean says dumbfounded. “Where did you get them?” He turns to Sam.

“Benny, who else? I looked at the pictures that I had of you in the city and – I thought that if there was anyone who had a picture of a happy memory, it would be him,” Sam shrugs.

Dean swallows heavily. “Thank you,” he whispers.

“Hey, no trouble. Benny was more than willing to help out.”

“Did you know?” Dean asks quietly. “Back then?”

“About Benny? Yeah, Dean, I knew. Not what exactly you got up to, but I knew about him.”

Dean nods silently. He’s suspected as much.

“I’m glad he was there for you,” Cas speaks up. “I know it didn’t seem like it when I met him in Kansas City but I look at these pictures and – I’m glad.” Cas’ finger follows the outline of Dean’s face on the picture, hesitating on the nasty bruise, like he might be able to retroactively make it disappear and save Dean from everything that happened.

“Yeah, me too,” Dean mumbles and quickly changes to the next page before he can tear up again.

They’re jumping in time again. They’re at Cas’ pack now, even though they don’t know him yet. It’s immediately noticeable. They’re still thin, thinner than they should have been probably, but there’s no bruises anymore. The frames are out of focus more often than not, showing either Dean or Sam merrily battling each other to try and catch the most hilarious and embarrassing expressions. There are a few pictures of their small cozy place, too, and one or two where they’ve put the camera on autotimer and are both in the picture.

These memories are fond and hold no pain, and it’s visible in the way the Dean in the pictures starts smiling again. It’s tiny in the beginning, like his muscles aren’t used to it, but then the camera catches an outright laugh and finally one where he’s laughing with his whole body, bent over and desperately trying to catch his breath. He doesn’t remember what had him in stitches, but it makes him grin with his younger self.

Turning to the next page, something new shows up again. Dean’s smiling in the picture, a lot more timidly than in the wild shots before, but there’s something different about him. A blush to his cheeks, a glow to his eyes. It’s only him in the picture but he still knows what happened. “We’d just met,” he tells Cas. “First picture after, I think. And no comments about how nicely I blush,” he warns even while he feels a blush creeping up his neck.

Jessica awwws, and even Gabriel leans closer to look at the picture.

“You look happy,” Sam says.

“Well, that’s cause I was happy,” Dean rolls his eyes and leans his head against Cas, “still am.”

That earns him more _awwws_ , and he blushes deeper and quickly turns to the next page.

It’s pictures of their wedding party. He laughs at a picture of a drunk Jo, and one of a grumpy looking Bobby apparently being teased by Jody. Dean’s not actually gotten all that much of their wedding party, too caught up in his new mate. But it looks like the pictures are a variety of snapshots taken by different people.

“Did you ask everyone?” he asks his brother.

“Yup,” Sam nods. “I very much did.”

“Thank you,” Dean repeats, at a loss for what else to say.

“Hey, there’s more.”

And there sure is. There’s pictures of him and Cas in the garden and around town. There’s pictures of them with Sam and Jess and Bal and Gabe.

Then there’s the pictures that Gabe took in the hospital when Dean got to hold Mary for the very first time. They look tired and fragile and frankly kind of awful in them, yet Dean doesn’t think any of the other pictures has quite captured the same intimacy as these. Their faces are soft and they’re holding each other and Mary close. This is how Dean sees their relationship, minus the red eyes and pale skin. “Love you so much, Cas,” he murmurs, quiet enough that he hopes it’s only Cas who hears it.

It probably isn’t, but Cas’ scent turns so sweet that it hardly makes a difference, everyone’s going to notice that, even over the smells of Christmas cookies and punch.

But then Cas’ scent starts to darken, even while the honey is staying as strong as ever, and Dean thinks he knows where Cas’ thoughts have turned to. He clings closer to his mate then, unable to lift his gaze from their faces in the pictures. So vulnerable. Yet also so full of joy.

They’re cradling each other for a long time, long enough that the conversations around them start back up and Sam moves a few inches away towards Jessica.

“I’m scared,” Cas finally confesses, nearly inaudible. “You’ve started smelling like earth and roots.”

“Yes,” Dean whispers back. “Yes, I thought so.”

They cling even tighter than before after that, holding each other through it as the realization sets in. As they allow themselves to contemplate the possibility for the first time. As they allow the fear to pass and the first tendrils of excitement to set in. Because they want this. Even with everything, they’ve always wanted this.

“I’ll call Pam right after the holidays,” Dean finally says.

“Yes, yes, do that, please,” Cas agrees, his hand already subconsciously straying towards Dean’s belly.

Dean lays his hand over Cas’ but doesn’t comment on it any further. “Want to see the rest of this?” he sks instead.

“Of course.”

It’s not that much anymore, the last 9 months having gone by in a blink. There are snapshots of them, of Sam and Jess in Stanford, of Gabe’s and Bal’s move. Mary is growing steadily in the pictures and always smiling or laughing. She really is a sunshine.

The final picture is of the Christmas tree in the living room, obviously taken the other day.

“I took that while you were out at the lake,” Jessica smiles.

Dean’s gaze wanders to Jess’ belly, rounding as it already is. “Thank you,” he smiles. “Thank you to all of you, this is wonderful.”

“There is more space in the album, too. For the future,” Sam says.

“Yes, that’s good,” Dean nods. “It will be needed.”

**Author's Note:**

> You know the drill: 
> 
> Are you excited about the new developments? Name and gender of Sam’s & Jess’ pup? What do you think about Chuck? Should we go looking for him? What else do you want to hear about? (I have not forgotten about Michael and Adam, and have an idea how they might show up.)
> 
> Also, in case you want to see the author being silly with her hubby and dancing around in her PJs while singing a fanfic Christmas carol, please go [here](https://youtu.be/7im6LZwFh3M).


End file.
